My guess is all those missionary genes took a funky turn on me.I found it...thought it was gonna give me The Nightmare,but I did. It's called "The Scarlet and the...Grey?"(yeah, I hate the question mark, too. Wacky Brits) Author's name is Kay S. [link] There are nine parts. Happy pimping! whew, at least I didn't make it up...I was starting to doubt myself. My lj comes up when you google "Homicide crossovers", fyi. Does Lilah smoke?

Munch POV:

It was one of those couch-on-wheels jobs. If I hadn’t been so keyed up, it might have been a pleasant ride. Lilah carried a small purse, big enough for money, keys, and tampons(You have enough wives, you learn these things.) “You’re not smoking in here,” I said. Muscle should have some rights.

“I don’t smoke. But why should you care? You can’t get cancer.: She pulled out an expensive lipstick in a gold case and outlined her gorgeous lips with it. When she pressed them together I felt weak for the first time in my unlife...those faces women make when they fix their makeup are almost unbearably sensuous(Which doesn’t explain the Kay thing. But what can I say, I’m a riddle, wrapped in an enigma wearing a negligee.)

“So, you’re a lawyer, that makes you an expert on vampire lungs? I didn’t notice your epidemiology background on that business card, Ms. Morgan Esquire. And before you get all beautiful(and my God, isn’t she. To myself, I say this) we have to talk terms.”

“At Wolfram and Hart, we believe in being prepared.”

“Smart philosophy.”(Is she as turned on as I am?)

“Last week some Krevloch demons attacked a strip mall in Century City. Word on the street is that Angel hasn’t been seen with his ‘firm’ in some time...we don’t know where he is, or there’d be another pile of dust for you to clean up.(I can’t believe I’m hot for a woman that makes finger quotes. I hate finger quotes. But she has beautiful hands.)

“Krevloch. Big, hairy, stupid, hard to cover up. But that’s hardly a surprise this close to the Sunnydale demonic convergence...right?” Noticing her surprised expression, I continue “I make it my business to be aware of stories ignored by the mainstream media.Some call it a hobby...I think of it as being...prepared.”

“The fact that this demon showed up isn’t the mystery. How were they able to kill it?”

“Someone else in his crew?”

“Yeah, but it’d have to be somebody new...because Wesley? I’m tougher than Wesley.”

And several Middle Eastern heads of state, I thought, but didn’t say.

“And the money? Cause I want to roll around in it. You’re welcome to join me, of course.”

“Lindsey has it.Back at the office.”

“Is she as pretty as you?”

“Angel thinks so.”

“Is she as pretty as you?”

“Angel thinks so.”

Loving erika soooo much right now.

Thank you...that subtext was so powerful, even I couldn't miss it. And my gaydar's for shit.

omigodomigod, loving this. What Kat said. erika, your wives are proud of you.

Also?

“Yeah, but it’d have to be somebody new...because Wesley? I’m tougher than Wesley.”

And several Middle Eastern heads of state, I thought, but didn’t say.

The cat in my lap is wondering why I'm shaking. I don't want to startle him by cracking up - it's Gadabout, and he's pushing 15 years old.

I love to keep my wives happy. Hmm, maybe Kay and Lilah will go head to head.

Kay and Lilah will go head to head

I was already taking this one as given. Kay wouldn't be the least bit awed by taking on Lilah on her turf, at W&H.

No, not in the least.She was ready to take on Lorne when she didn't know what he was. And willing to look Vamp!Munchkin in the face, even if they are too well-acquainted for her bluff to have worked. Credentials..ftt. "Do I look like I give a shit?" What are some things that Kay would try to change about how AI works? I mean, I think she'd put up a board. And bust Cordy for reading Variety at work, and painting her nails when it's slow. Maybe bring somebody down to the firing range.ETA: And she's ready to confront Angel about being a bad lieutenant, bloodsucker or not.

Willow taking magic lessons from V!Giles

For the next hour, Willow practiced catching balls. Giles tossed them at her in varying numbers, then she had to catch them and hold them as he threw more at her. The weight ranged from ping-pong balls to large ball bearings, and she was sweating at the end of it.

Giles picked up a baseball and considered, then shook his head. "Enough. Put them all in the box over there, and we're done."

Willow took a deep breath and very carefully moved the mass of suspended balls to the box on Giles' desk. The first time she'd tried this, she'd dropped everything on the desktop. There were still dents. This time only the ping-pong ball tried to escape, and she magically nudged it back into the box.

"Well done, Willow." Giles patted her shoulder. "Very well done. Here, sit down."

She dropped gratefully into a chair at the table where Giles' electric kettle lived. The water was just coming to a boil, and her very own dark-blue-with-gold-stars-and-moons mug was waiting. She watched him pour the water into the teapot with the leaves, letting her mind slow down. This was nearly her favorite part, where it was almost like those long hours in the library.

"So what's new in your world?" Giles asked, pushing the box of cookies--no, biscuits--closer. "Have you decided on a major yet?"

They settled into a nice long chat ranging from college to magical theory to whether Sunrise Grove could support an internet connection.

"We could set up a wireless hub and network," Willow said. "I don't think you have a phone line out here. You could do online banking and email, plus there's all these neat website about magic and demons and such."

"Online banking?" Giles repeated. "That might be useful."

"Oh, yeah. It's the 21st century, Giles. Geeks are cool. Or maybe not. Is there anything left in the Du Lac crypt?"

Giles sipped his tea. "Other than the Du Lacs? I don't think so. Why?"

"I found Jonathan and a buddy of his trying to break in tonight. They said they were playing a role playing game and their gamemaster told them something was in the crypt."

"Jonathan . . . he was the one with that calendar, wasn't he."

"Uh huh. I don't know his buddy that well. His name's Andrew. Tucker's brother."

"Tucker--oh, yes, Tucker. The hellhounds. Why am I not comfortable with the idea of Jonathan and Tucker's brother trying to break into a heretic's crypt?"

"I can't imagine," Willow said solemnly. "I should have asked them who their gamemaster is."

"If they are up to something, I'm sure we'll find out." He put down his empty mug decisively. "We need to modify your misdirection spell to completely mask your presence from everyone. Instead of baffling the senses, we need to change it to something that causes people to ignore you if they perceive you."

Willow bounced. "It's the Jedi mind trick spell! These aren't the droids you're looking for!

He gave her a pained but amused look. "Indeed. However, I doubt you'll find the information you need indexed under Jedis. Or, if you do, I want to know about it." He nodded towards the bookcases.

Lessons always went like this: an hour or so of actual practice, then recuperation and visiting over tea, then book time. Willow wondered if this was how the English went to school, guided by a mentor to the information but having to dig up the answers themselves. It was so much nicer than sitting in a lecture hall.

She got to her feet, studying the books. "I should start with Artoris' Compendium, right?"

"That would be best. I think you'll find Ceraso's Dream a useful next step. I really must start teaching you non-human languages."

As Willow began searching the shelves, Giles turned to the imp arm laying on his desk. She watched him out of the corner of her eye until he picked up a nearby book and began reading. Casually she went back to the shoulder bag she'd brought, pulled out a notebook and pen, then, slinging the bag on her shoulder, she went back to the bookcases. She pulled out Artoris' Compendium, then moved slowly down the row of books. As she studied the spines of several books, she pulled an old leather-bound volume out of the bag and slipped it into a gap on the shelf. She wandered back towards a work table, removing Ceraso's Dream as she went. She sat down at the empty work table she used for studying and got to work.

A few minutes later, Giles, muttering to himself, got up and went to the shelves himself. He searched them all, then tugged a slender volume off a top shelf and headed back to his desk. Willow, still watching him surreptitiously, relaxed and focused on the Latin in front of her--until Giles paused and turned to study the books curiously. He went slowly back, staring at the books, then reached the section where she'd returned the book she'd borrowed. His eyes flickered into vampiric yellow briefly, then faded back to their usual green. He reached towards the book she had put on the shelf.

She turned and put all her attention on the printed page and her notes.

"Willow?"

"Hm?"

"Willow."

Bracing herself, she looked up slowly. Giles stood over her, the book in his hands. The stern look was back on his face. "Y--yes?"

"This book is warmer than the others. As if someone with a higher body temperature than mine has been handling it. And the only other person remotely likely to have been handling these books is Spike. Did you borrow this book without my knowledge?"

She knew the look on her own face was answer enough, but it was still several moments before she could nod. Even human, Giles' annoyance was frightening. Now, though . . . He even glanced away for a moment before he spoke.

"Willow, how many times do I have to tell you, there are things in this library that will devour you if you're not careful. You cannot just take any book that catches your fancy and start rummaging around in it." He glanced at the title of the book. "'Guide to the Higher Planes.' Well, it could be worse, but not by much. Did you try to open a portal?"

"Yes."

"Did it work?"

"No."

"What happened?"

"It didn't look the way it was supposed to according to the book, so I didn't let it open all the way."

He nodded. "At least you have some sense."

"I was careful!" she flared. "I knew it might not work, so I only opened up a viewing portal, just the way it says to in the book. You didn't do that when you opened the gateway to Sqaon."

"That was because I went over every syllable of the incantation with someone who had actually been there." He pinched his nose, only missing the handkerchief and glasses to have the classic Giles pose. "Willow, I don't deny your power or your talent. I'm only concerned about your caution. There are spells in the 'Guide' that open portals to places that despise human life, that are inherently inimical to humans. Even a viewing portal can attract the attention of things strong enough to break through into our world. Please, don't do anything like this without guidance, please."

She sighed and nodded.

His frown deepened. "Willow, I want your promise. No portals without me there to help."

"I promise," she muttered, glaring at the table.

"All right. How are you coming with the, um, Jedi mind trick?"

"I think I've got the basic parameters worked out." She pushed her notebook towards him.

He read her notes and nodded. "Excellent, I think you've got a working model there. Work on that, and the next time you're here we can fine tune it. You might want to have it handy when I do the demonstration I was thinking of."

She perked up. "Demonstration? Of what?"

"Some of the things that live on the other sides of portals. A summoning."

"A summoning? Ooh, of what?"

"That will have to wait. Until then, work on your new spell."

Willow tried to glare at him. "I know what you're up to. Scold Willow, then give her a present to make up for it."

"Would I do that?" Giles smiled very faintly, then went to put back "The Guide to the Higher Planes" before going back to his own work.