shrift! SNARF!

Lovin' the Spander. Makes me want to go play pool in a demon bar...

Is anyone willing to beta 17,200-odd words of strange Smallville fic? I've written it, it's got a beginning, a middle, and an ending, but I'm a little at loss to know if it's worth anyone's while reading or not.

And Cindy, I wish I could put this on TV...I could not do worse than 95% of the writers. Maybe someday. One rule: No chick parts. No women that exist to rub the hero's shoulders and chop zucchini....they could do that, but not as a life goal. Someday.

95%? You're underestimating yourself. Seriously (I'm not saying this in the all-Buffistas-are-foamy way), think about what's good on TV--that is--think of television programs. I'm not giving TV credit for films (particularly those of the 40s, but I digress).

Not really here. No really, I'm not. I just snuck in to catch up in the short threads and I'm missing all of you so fierce, I just had to speak up and tell you I love this discussion, and I love you guys for having it.

Beverly and I are one. I have only a little time, 'til Ben wakes up. I'm in danger of being eaten by boxes, but I miss my Buffistas.

Don't think I haven't thought about it, Deb.But I think there's another surprise waiting for her. I couldn't resist having Kay imitate his accent in her head, cause I've only rarely met Americans who did not attempt to do that on being introduced to UKians...but she keeps it to herself. So glad there are other people excited by this. In true Bayliss fashion, I've skipped meals, woken up in the middle of the night, you name it. The 95% was more in hopes of not leaving out somebody I respect than trashing myself, Cindy.(This week.) And still, I want it. Why? Maybe it's like Bayliss, or Clark on SV, people want to mess them up and corrupt them.And Connie, you might make me a slash fan yet, damn it.

More I wrote last night.

Joyce said "See, I told you she was cool! Thanks, Kay!"

How did Joyce stay so happy all the time...was she on something? She had to be on something."Smell my breath..."

"Let me blow in your face and tell me if you smell anything." And she blows a puff of chocolate breath in Kay's face. "Nope, just chocolate. I've gotta get going. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"I'm sure I won't," Joyce said. "But Ripper wants to do it in a police car. He says it's subversive."

"First, when somebody says "Don't do anything I wouldn't do' you say 'Well that leaves me plenty of room' or something. It's like a joke... Second, unless 'subversive' means 'a big pain in the ass' don't do it in a police car...it's not worth it. I wouldn't have, but B...my boyfriend had this whole Bullitt thing...don't ask. I'm just lucky I talked him out of the car chase."
A familiar voice says "Is it hot out here? Or is it just me?" Munch, with his pathetic...pick-up lines? Is that what they were? And a thought she never thought she'd have...thank God..
"John, Joyce. Joyce, John,"
"Heard about your husband, kiddo. Tough break. If you ever want to...commiserate, just say the word."

erika, if you don't stop doing Munch so perfectly, I'm going to plotz.

"I wouldn't have, but B...my boyfriend had this whole Bullitt thing...don't ask. I'm just lucky I talked him out of the car chase."

SNERK!

OMG, I'm kvelling. Really, apart from the occasional Yiddish and dick jokes...Munch's voice is like the devil on my shoulder that thinks stuff I shouldn't say. And don't think there isn't part of me that isn't scared by that! Especially the part that still wants to be Normal Woman.And, I had my Roth phase,so I know a little bit about Yiddish and dick jokes, too. Very little, but enough, right? And I'm glad you liked the movie reference.(Beau just seems like the type, yeah? Just like when I read about KS having a thing for Kerouac...I was like "Well, duh, of course he does.")ETA, stuff I forgot.

shrift! SNARF!

Muchas gracias, Deb. That's exactly the reaction I was going for.

I seem to be writing large chunks of this story long-hand at lunch. I even have an outline to keep track of the random scenes.

Yep, this one ain't gonna be exceedingly short...

More, working up to the Porn. I think I may need a life.
"I should have known the sex talk would pull you out from under your rock, Munchkin." Kay said.

"I know what I like. And Munchkin's just a friendly nickname...no reflection on my assets. Which I only say because your husband was...you know, afflicted."
"Um, that's ok. Everybody's been really nice," Joyce said.
"Sheesh, Munch, some detective. I made that stuff up about her husband. Nothing's physically wrong with him...yet. Besides, she's with him."
And Joyce waves coyly, waggling her fingers, and goes off with Ripper, who's smoking a cigarrette.

"That man cannot be entirely straight,"Munch said.

"Who? Ripper? What makes you think that?"
"His butt is too well-defined. Straight men have saggy butts or no butts at all, as God intended."

"Now, I'm not sure about the 'entirely' part, but he's not gay."

"How do you know? Inside information?"

"No!" She said. "I know, ok? Let's leave it at that. Ripper and I talked for a while...he's an interesting guy."

"Oh, Ripper is? And I'm sure it's his political analysis that makes you mention his name every two minutes. And now I know what's different about you. At first I thought you lost weight..."
"In two hours? No way, Munchkin. And you're not helping your own het case, checking out men's butts."
-more-

"Let me finish.But, as you point out, that is physiologically impossible. Haircut? No, same titian locks in the same places, which is good, because if they werent, I'd be driven to desperate acts against your hairdresser. Or myself. I love and depend on your hair, Kay Howard."
"Well, as long as you don't flip out or anything," Kay said, dryly."And titian makes me sound like Nancy Drew. Nancy Drew never won at arm wrestling, but she had a perfect clearance rate."
"You're blushing. You're so hot for Ripper you can't see straight."

"It's the makeup. Joyce made me over."

"Nope, that's the pink of unrequited passion. I used to get it myself sometimes, before I became a hardened shell,"
"Does anybody ever go for that Mr. Lonelyhearts bit of yours?"

"Some. Then they get to know me. Then they scream and throw things."
Kay laughed. "I'm so glad my desperate loneliness amuses you. After this we can go to the shelter and kick puppies."