That's where I ran into the problems, trying to cut out the ten or so words I needed to add in that Ivory was pure. So I cut and reworked it and managed to get it down to something like: "Instead she buys Ivory--advertising itself 99.44% pure!--which leaves her clothes smelling clean, like soap." (which I thought sounded Anya-ish) but then I still needed to cut out four words somewhere else and I didn't think I edit out anything else out.
But then I have to cut out
99.44%, much better. Hmm.. Leaves her clothes smelling clean and pure - 99.44%.
Or
She hates detergents smelling like “mountain rain” or “sunshine fresh”, they remind her of the hard work.
Hmm, I might substitute "reek of" for "remind her of the". 'Reek' is a good strong sense word, 'remind' is pretty pale.
(Guess what I'm doing tonight? Yup, a word by word, phrase by phrase, sentence by sentence editing run. I've got words coming out of my ears.)
Cool, Theo, thanks for the suggestions, I used them and it tightened it up even more and I was able to get change enough words that I could add in one more scent that I took out before.
Here's the revision:
Anya enjoys doing laundry in this modern world where machines do all the work. She just separates the clothes by types and sets the washer. What she hates are detergents that smell like “mountain rain” or “sunshine fresh”, they reek of the past, when washing clothes was hard work. She asked Xander about the outdoor scents, he said people were nostalgic. She said they were insane. She’d rather have scents like tangerines, Chanel, or new car; she seems to be the only one. Instead she buys Ivory—advertising itself as 99.44% pure!---which leaves her clothes smelling clean, like soap.
Thanks, would you mind if I enlisted your help with the Fraser drabble, when I get that done?
Be my guest, though if I burn out on editing I may be suffering Floppy Brain Syndrome.
YAY! Though it was lovely the first time, it's great you got to sneak in pure.
Theo, I'm still trying to get it down to 100 words, would you be cool with me emailing it to you later on?