My parents have a magnetic knife holder I covet. It's a flat rectangular magnet inset into a wood block- a dark reddish wood. No idea where they got it, or if perhaps it is family made, but I've called dibs. (Same with the under-counter spice racks made from babyfood jars with their lids in redwood. Grandpa made those.)

I'm such an AB heretic.

Now you'll never be able to have your left hand on him.

My wooden knife block rests the knives sideways, which cuts down on the dulling. Of course, my knives are CutCo, and are therefore worthy of AB scorn. I cope.

And I know AB detests all home knife sharpeners and insists that knife-owners ONLY EVER let professional sharpeners sharpen things, but I choose to ignore him on this and use one of these.

This is good to hear, since I got a sharpener for Christmas.

Now I'm torn! Do I return the sharpener and trade it in for a honing steel?

Do I keep it and get the steel as well?

Do I say "eff it" and just put the knives away by jamming them point first into a wall stud????

I JUST DON'T KNOW!

I only own cheap knives. Which is just as well, because when they get dull, I've been known to use them to clean grout or as a screwdriver. Best to do that with something cheap.

Okay. That was weird. I had a huge post written up and when I hit post I somehow got logged out of the board it and the post vanished. Blargh.

So, in short, thanks to everyone for their sympathy and advice and my company could have been far more evil than they were (they're keeping me on the books for the 9 weeks they're paying me, including insurance.) As f-ed up as the situation was and is, it could be much worse.

Seriously, as much as I love the man, he's as guilty of repeating shit he's heard as anyone. And in matters where AB and ATK differ, ATK wins because I know they've actually tested all the options.

(ATK recommends electric sharpeners if you can afford one, and manual sharpeners over honing steels.)

I have a sharpener [link] made by the same people who made my good knives, which live in their sheaths in a drawer. My crappier knives live in a block. I was given a couple of good knives that didn't come with sheaths - those live on a magnetic rack with the kitchen shears.

I am, however, not a member of the cult of Alton Brown. So, you know, whatever.

I feel like such an outsider. I don't buy nice knives, and what knives I do have never get sharpened. I just saw at things till they come apart.

And yet, I still manage to gouge chunks out of my fingernails and/or thumbs on a regular basis. So, they're clearly sharp enough.