Ooo, I think I want that book. I mean, I give the nod to Hughes and Thomas over B.I.G. and Tupac, but still, the hip-hop is definitely the camel nose under the tent flap.

I am just so glad that Zito didn't go to the Yankees. And that he went to the National League.

Artful painting or wall-ful painting, Raq?

Neither, really, but I guess art-ful. Robert got "The Fury of Dracula" boardgame for Christmas, which comes with a tiny Dracula, Van Helsing, Joanthan and Mina Harker, and Lord Gotterdamerung or whatever dude's name is. So I'm painting them.

It's also already been re-named "The Furries of Dracula."

Um. I have to take a present to my neighbor and visit a bit. I'm being resisitant to this whole idea. Can I nap, instead?

Wanna drive the fire engine?

Give it to Ple, she can porn anything.

Eh, I'd just look through Yuletide and link you up. I swear, it's got everything this year! I think there was Jefferson/Hamilton!

Going back to... um... six days ago, Beej posted this:

Tommyrot, sorry...I stepped away.

A friend suspects that Fela is an Aspie. I never really thought about it, but in looking over the symptom lists and the DSM, I'm thinking there is a strong possibility.

If it's so, then it's the good news and the bad news being the same. His social awkwardness, detachment, difficulty with change and overt rudeness with no awareness would be explained away. So yay. The fact that I'll likely never be okay with these aspects of his behavior...not so yay.

It's a real struggle. Do I discuss this with him?

Same friend says I should'nt because it will 'give him an out' if he ISn't Aspie but...isn't the effect the same?

I just dunno.

I have such a hard time reconciling his obvious strong points with this other behavior stuff...and after a year of things being pretty much as they are, I'm wondering about continuing. He's a really good friend. And has superior talents in some ways that are super important to me, but as a boyfriend...he sort of sucks.

I don't want to be angry with him, or to nag him about things that can't change.

Hmmm... I should probably know more about this than I do, so I'll just throw out a few thougts.

The social awkwardness and inappropriate social behavior of Aspies is because some of the social behaviors and "rules" that come naturally to non-Aspies don't come naturally to Aspies. However, an Aspie who realizes this about his personality might make an effort to learn these rules (or ask others what the rules are) so he can fit in better with others.

And some Aspies are aware of the "rules" but still chose not to follow them. I think with some Aspies there's an attitude of "that's dumb - why should I follow that convention?" So it would depend on the person whether he would want to change, but perhaps if someone is told that he might be an Aspie, and (if so) this could result in some friction with other people, then he might be motivated to at least be conscious of the social rules and conventions, and he could decided then whether to break the rules or not.

So anyway, I'm not saying you should discuss this with him, I'm just offering stuff to consider.

Oh, as usual, dear. I was thinking that the inability to porn dead Presidents was a good. But, hmmmm... if it's hot....

and (if so) this could result in some friction with other people, then he might be motivated to at least be conscious of the social rules and conventions, and he could decided then whether to break the rules or not.

I'm really, really appreciative that you followed up on this tommyrot. You seem to understand what is going on in a way that is bringing tears to my eyes.

Quite apart from what it might mean to me, I'm hoping that Fela coming to a greater understanding of what might be happening would make him so much...if not happier, then less guilty/vexed/disappointed in himself.

He really DOES want to be different and he seems flummoxed as to what that might take. In one conversation, he got a little defensive and said that he's never had anyone confront him on some of his rudeness...he really didn't know it was rude. I asked him how many times he thought people just didn't care enough to talk to him about it and just bit their tongues. The shadow of recognition that came over his face put a terrible weight on my heart. I feel so bad for him sometimes.

He's dealing differently with a lot of things. Trying and sometimes failing to be conscious of his environment. He is NOT a bad person, and he CAN adjust...but it doesn't seem to take in the long term.

I'm wondering, if he had some support from others with similar tendancies, if it might make the burden lighter and take the guilt/shame out of it. That way, he might have some space for more consistent management.

I'm really, really appreciative that you followed up on this tommyrot. You seem to understand what is going on in a way that is bringing tears to my eyes.

Glad I could help. I'd been meaning to drop you an email or something, and then I saw you in Natter today....

There are a couple of online Aspie discussion groups - I don't remember the URLs and I can't find bookmarks at the moment.

I'll do the research. I'm just grateful for the courage this interchange is giving me.

Fela may not be an Aspie...but the similarities are too close to ignore and the worst that will happen is that he will reject the idea and me. Given the way things have gone, that won't be so bad for either one of us.

At the moment, he's pursuing some medical stuff (very bad digestion) that may help with a lot of his physical discomfort. Once that is in hand, I'll figure out a way to gently bring up this other. No idea how at the mo, but it really seems worth a try.

Thanks.

Thanks.

You're welcome. And good luck.

Yknow, while I really appreciate countries that base their cuisine on seasonal vegetables and dont just import or freeze stuff, I have to say that I was overjoyed when my dinner tonight included not just one but two green vegetables. Italy in the winter seems to be rather lacking in vegetables that arent tomatoes. Which I can see as good in many ways, but even I was getting a tiny bit tired of pasta, bread, and cheese.

Oooh. But today, we went on a wine-tasting tour of Tuscany. SO good. And now I know all about wine.

(Um. Sorry. I skipped seven zillion posts and have no idea whats going on with anyone else. -ma to everyone that needs it.)