How are you doing now?

I'm actually pretty crappy. And frustrated about the crappiness. It's a whole circular thing.

Thanks for asking.

Can I look anything up for you, now that I'm out of bed?

Sure. Let me e-mail you.

Prof is totally crazy.

Aimee's prof is totally insane, and I hope vw gets better soon.

ION, SF is on notice - I went to 6 different stores today, including Safeway and a butcher, and none of them had lard. WTF?? It's Christmas, people! Some of us still use lard to make cookies! Looks like I gotta BART down to the Mission.

Whatcha going down to the Mission fer? Fer the lard?

We did some of our Christmas shopping today. Then DH and my FiL had to pull up the toilet to find out what Owen had flushed that was causing the overflow. Turns out it was a yellow submarine.

I still need to do some shopping. The stores are crowded and make me crazy. I wish I had started earlier--I should have been shopping online last month.

There are several Rockettes shows -- in college, one of my co-baristas at Starbucks was in the Chicago show. (She used to bitch about the kicks all the time around this season, because they're the single easiest dance move in the entire show, but still get the biggest cheers.)

I'm surprised even the butcher couldn't find you some lard. That's craxy!

Mememe-est post in the history of ever:

So tired. Very little sleep last night, and since noon today Matilda has been screaming almost inconsolably. Almost, because she does (so far) refrain from crying when she's being fed or held. She'll drop off to sleep in my arms, but if I put her down - even just down in my lap - she wakes up screaming within minutes.

I had to flee the bookstore today (sold a bunch of stuff for $21 store credit, which I need to stretch out to cover most of my gift list) because she was being That Baby, and the walk home took almost an hour with all the stopping every few yards to hold and rock or nurse her. And I've been holding and rocking and nursing her all afternoon. The screaming is shredding me.

(Hec isn't here; he's out running necessary book and temp-job errands, and anyhow he lacks the lactation so she'd just scream even more if he were here and I tried to hand her off.)

I feel like I've done nothing but piss and moan and whine about exhaustion and money since she was born, and here I am doing it again. Fuck. I don't want to be this kind of parent or wife or Bitch, and I don't want this to be my daughter's first Christmas. Can I possibly get a do-over on the last three months? That's all I need, really.

JZ, it sounds like you need a friend to come over and give you some support. Is there someone you can call?

(I mean, obviously we're here, but bodily present help is a big help).

I was just about to ask if you wanted me to come up tomorrow or next weekend, JZ.

Do you?