These isopods are distant relatives of the tiny "pill bugs" found in many gardens

So very much NOT clicking through to the picture.

Multiple people have been shot at an Amish school in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, a state police spokesman says.

Holy shit.

So very much NOT clicking through to the picture.

They're like a cross between a waterlouse (is that what they call them here?) and a crab. But big.

They're like a cross between a waterlouse (is that what they call them here?) and a crab.

Not. Helpful!

Multiple people have been shot at an Amish school in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, a state police spokesman says.

WTF?!

There's a story on the website that two Vegas schools are locked down, too, because a student was spotted with a gun. He fled from police, and they found a handgun nearby.

::considers life as an ostrich::

Here's what the AP has to say. What the hell?

NICKEL MINES, Pennsylvania (AP) -- Police surrounded a one-room Amish schoolhouse Monday in response to reports of multiple shooting victims, a television station reported.

WGAL-TV said the incident occurred in southeastern Lancaster County.

About three dozen Amish people were standing behind a police line, and at least two ambulances had left the scene, the station said. Television news helicopters showed a person being taken away on a stretcher to a waiting medical helicopter.

The Lancaster County 911 Web site reported that dozens of emergency units were dispatched to a "medical emergency" at 10:45 a.m. Monday.

Not. Helpful!

But you like crabs, don't you?

Or at least crab.

I wonder if The Hump will serve isopod sushi. Seems up their alley. Or do you have them downstairs at the cricket-serving Typhoon?

I just realised I almost had brunch with one of the actors on Tim's Drive (he bailed last-minute because of work), and I would have not rememembered he was on a Minear show the whole time, I bet, and ended up kicking myself later.

Is it bad that I looked at the critter and thought, "wonder how they taste?"?

I was wondering the same thing. I was thinking, "Like lobster, except crappy."

It should be noted that these instructions assume you have a uranium bomb, not a plutonium bomb.

Yeah, that bit about the inhalation of 1mg being enough to cause cancer makes that a bit trickier to handle even if you have the radiation/critical mass issues covered.

If these tips don't work, give us a call and let us know what we got wrong.

Do they have ouija board operators standing by?

Torture bill haiku:

The Constitution
Was cast aside by Congress.
Hideous corpus!

[link]