you might want to consider on line bill paying

beth is wise. This has so thoroughly saved my ass and what remains of my credit rating over the past four years. GODSEND.

Also, I'm sending loads of back-waaaay-off-ma to your parents, because that's just a whole load of stress that you really don't need (also, it sounds like you're totally aware of and clear on the issues already; you truly don't need your parents, however well-meaning and genuinely concerned they are, poking and poking at the sore spots).

JZ, if you are still around, did you happen to receive a package w/o a note, postmark Puerto Rico, recently? I'm def. *not* fishing for a thank you, but I just want to make sure you got it!

It would help if I could figure out a way to get money from here to home without having to go through my parents. I set up online banking here, but it doesn't work for American bills yet, which is a frustration. I think I'm going to have to email my mother back saying back off. Because I seriously can't take this support-of-what-you're-doing one day and you're-ruining-your-financial-future on another. It can't be both ways. Sometimes you have to take risks to do what's right for you.

SA, I had a huge fight with my parents when I went to France for a summer. My best friend had offered to take care of my bills when I was gone, I said thanks, and thought nothign more about it. My parents found out about it and flipped out, going on and on about privacy, and trust, etc. I said "this is the woman that you call your second daughter, what is your problem? This is not your call. I'm sorry that you're upset, I really don't understand why. She offered, I accepted. And I know that she is going to do what I ask without comment or criticism." (with the implication that they would not) They were pissed, but got over it.

(the point of the story is the last bit. )

Straitjacket? Superglued her fingers? Asp in the purse?

Lots of discussion and therapy (on my friend's part). It was a combination of a very mild mannered child with a very autocratic parent. M's problems included her own fear of independence (hence her reliance on her mother for advice and reluctance to set definite boundaries for her mother concerning her finances.) and her guilt issues since her mother helped her pay for school. Her mother didn't think she was doing anything wrong until M told her in no uncertain terms that it was wrong. Her mother also sort of held out her "help" in coercing M to give in a lot. M was so afraid of needing her mother's financial help in case of an emergency, that she relinquished some of her independence in exchange for her mother's continued promises of assistance.

But she did consider the snake in the purse, too.

Her mother didn't think she was doing anything wrong

how is this not wrong? Boundaries, people!

Oh, and SA, I'm sorry for all the stress with your family. I hope they can give you a little bit of space.

SA, no advice other to point upward and say what they said. Best of luck to you handling the situation.

Stephanie, yes, I did, and now you can see that I am approximately the world's worst correspondent. You've been on my "write her an email" list for a couple of weeks now. Though I suppose I could lay the blame at your own feet, since the email you sent me just makes me all misty and teary every time I read it, and then I have to go blow my nose and wipe my eyes, and usually on my way back to the computer I get distracted by Matilda fussing or I trip over a pile of unfolded laundry. If you were only a boring and emotionally unengaging writer, I'd have written back ages ago!

Seriously, the baby shirts are meltingly cute, and funky, and artsy, and I can't wait for her to grow into them. Thank you!

M was so afraid of needing her mother's financial help in case of an emergency, that she relinquished some of her independence in exchange for her mother's continued promises of assistance.

That's a well-worn fear of my own.

JZ, there might be something coming from another different country too. ::waggles eyebrows::