SA, I had a huge fight with my parents when I went to France for a summer. My best friend had offered to take care of my bills when I was gone, I said thanks, and thought nothign more about it. My parents found out about it and flipped out, going on and on about privacy, and trust, etc. I said "this is the woman that you call your second daughter, what is your problem? This is not your call. I'm sorry that you're upset, I really don't understand why. She offered, I accepted. And I know that she is going to do what I ask without comment or criticism." (with the implication that they would not) They were pissed, but got over it.

(the point of the story is the last bit. )

Straitjacket? Superglued her fingers? Asp in the purse?

Lots of discussion and therapy (on my friend's part). It was a combination of a very mild mannered child with a very autocratic parent. M's problems included her own fear of independence (hence her reliance on her mother for advice and reluctance to set definite boundaries for her mother concerning her finances.) and her guilt issues since her mother helped her pay for school. Her mother didn't think she was doing anything wrong until M told her in no uncertain terms that it was wrong. Her mother also sort of held out her "help" in coercing M to give in a lot. M was so afraid of needing her mother's financial help in case of an emergency, that she relinquished some of her independence in exchange for her mother's continued promises of assistance.

But she did consider the snake in the purse, too.

Her mother didn't think she was doing anything wrong

how is this not wrong? Boundaries, people!

Oh, and SA, I'm sorry for all the stress with your family. I hope they can give you a little bit of space.

SA, no advice other to point upward and say what they said. Best of luck to you handling the situation.

Stephanie, yes, I did, and now you can see that I am approximately the world's worst correspondent. You've been on my "write her an email" list for a couple of weeks now. Though I suppose I could lay the blame at your own feet, since the email you sent me just makes me all misty and teary every time I read it, and then I have to go blow my nose and wipe my eyes, and usually on my way back to the computer I get distracted by Matilda fussing or I trip over a pile of unfolded laundry. If you were only a boring and emotionally unengaging writer, I'd have written back ages ago!

Seriously, the baby shirts are meltingly cute, and funky, and artsy, and I can't wait for her to grow into them. Thank you!

M was so afraid of needing her mother's financial help in case of an emergency, that she relinquished some of her independence in exchange for her mother's continued promises of assistance.

That's a well-worn fear of my own.

JZ, there might be something coming from another different country too. ::waggles eyebrows::

If you were only a boring and emotionally unengaging writer, I'd have written back ages ago!

Thanks! And don't worry about not getting back to me. Seriously. New moms have a genuine excuse for anything.

ION, it looks like the FBI has cleared me, I"m not a threat and I start work on Nov 13th. Now I just have to finalize daycare stuff.

That's a well-worn fear of my own.

Yep, my mother used money like a club. Still does. Fortunately, I am financially independent from them now. It's a great motivator to get your shit together, to know that you don't have to ask your parents for money.

it looks like the FBI has cleared me

It was weirdly satisfying to pass my background check when I did customer support for the Postal Service. Though that satisfaction was countered wtih "dammit, now they have my fingerprints on file."