Uh. People put dip out in bowls?

I consider dip in the container to be flat-out "good," not "good enough."

I am so white trash.

BWAH! No! Not white trash. I'm just...um...worse than Martha Stewart when it comes to setting a table. I was educated by my mother, who was educated by her MIL. It can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be a chore.

There are a few places where I don't cut myself slack. When I write I hold myself to a very high standard. I don't give up on a sentence until it's as good as my talent can make it. (However good that is.)

It's funny that you should use that example. That's one place that I've had to let go. I can work on a piece, a sentence, a word, for years and never finish something because of it. My old therapist and I instituted the three draft rule for school writing, because I would have 20 drafts and make myself crazy before I'd actually finish something. I still don't stick to the three draft rule, but it's helped me SO much to let go of that a bit.

Like that.

And I think that's a very healthy way of looking at it.

Yeah, one of my DH's friends from high school and his BF are talking about having (well, okay, adopting) kids, and DHsF has been writing DH for advice: "I mean, I'm not old, but I am almost 40. And by the time an adoption comes through we'll be 40, and retiring about the time the kid goes to college." It's a tape that plays for all parents, I think, with personal variations (my niece isn't even thinking that her kid will go to college, because people in her world don't...but her husband is pushing 60 right now as the kid is born).

Actually, I don't think they're tapes, unless we all got bootleg copies. They are either installed as part of the firmware, or Lamott is right and we're all tuned in to K-FUCKED.

Hec, I bookmarked your post. I know that for me, the flip side of being uber-hard on myself (not just bowls for dip but gourmet handmade dip in thematically appropriate bowls) is when I can't be perfect, I don't want to Show Up. And that's not acceptable as a parent.

This is funny because it parallels a conversation I had at work today. My co-worker, who is something of a legend in the field and has been around forever and mentored everybody, asked me two questions: 1) "You have a very high IQ, don't you?" and 2) "Why did you leave [former gov't job]?" I jokingly said "Because my IQ's too high for that job" but he was serious, so I explained that I knew what it would take to do the job to my standards, and I knew I wasn't going to make the sacrifices to do that, so rather than half-assing it and never being happy, I left.

Perfection or Not Showing Up. It's what I did with my 20s.

I appear to have in fact done my whole life in my 20s, and nothing since. So put me down for "wasting my 30s and happy about it"

{{{Erin}}}

I still don't stick to the three draft rule, but it's helped me SO much to let go of that a bit.

And that has been very healthy for you. I'm not really a perfectionist with my writing. Maybe I just have a sense of my own limits. When I refer to my "talent" I'm mostly talking about knowing the outer edge of a finite resource. Also, while my revising process isn't programmatic or mechanical, it is fairly disciplined.

There are specific things I try to improve and when I meet those particular standards they're done. I make five or six passes with a particular filter in mind. 1 - remove the passive constructions and use the active verb as much as possible. 2 - Find more vivid, sensual language to evoke it physically. Strong specific verbs, smelly nouns. Anglo over latinate when possible. 3 - Vary the rhythm in the sentences so the paragraphs work better. When I've done my due diligence like that I can almost always make my writing better.

(Slooowwwly catching up)

The greatest hits of the Insecurity Demons that live in my head include chart-topers like Everyone is Just Humoring You Because You're Crazy, Yes, He's Eventually Going to Leave Because You're Driving Him Away, You'll Never Lose Weight (with the follow-up smash hit You'll Just Gain it All Back), and the all-time sing-along favorite of Someday They'll Figure Out You're a Big Fake (You're Not That Smart).

Most of the time, I can ignore all of those. But there are days, they get in my head and nothing will shake them.

---

Happy birthday, Sail! I hope you have a lovely day.

Yes, He's Eventually Going to Leave Because You're Driving Him Away

Clovis would never leave you.

Clovis would never leave you.

There are days (thankfully, not very often), where holding Clovis and remembering that he will never leave is the only way to stop the Insecurity Demons. We will not discuss the huge, HUGE issues I have with The Velveteen Rabbit.

the all-time sing-along favorite of Someday They'll Figure Out You're a Big Fake (You're Not That Smart)

I have the original copy of that! On 45!

It's my most-played (constantly running, actually) tape, outside of ones that have to do with parenting. My old boss/mentor used to call it the fear of Being Found Out, and he pegged me as scared of it from the minute we met.

I know those tunes, Jilli! Along with All Your Friends Think You're A Failure But Are Too Nice To Tell You and The Reason You Look Ugly In Photos Is Because You Are Ugly and You Will Be Broke And Renting Until The Day You Die

We will not discuss the huge, HUGE issues I have with The Velveteen Rabbit.

I'm right there with you.

You Will Be Broke And Renting Until The Day You Die

I have that one, too!

We need to make a ginormous mix CD -- and then have a ritual stomping/burning ceremony.