Honestly, Aimee, I love seeing you and Joe with Em. Obviously very loving parents. Obviously still very much yourselves. And Em is very obviously blossoming into Em. She's very bright and playful.

Thank you. And thank you Vortex.

I sometimes wish I could venture outside of my body, into someone else's to watch.

I am finding that most of my tapes are old and worn out - and I have ways of circumventing them. For the long time I thought I was lazy. Umm, not true . When I work , I work hard. I don't slack. I am just not ambitious. I just want to have a job I don't hate with people I like to work with. The fat tape was erased pretty much when the diabetes appeared. I have much more important reason to think about exercise and eating. And somehow, I've come to understand that I will never be perfect - so a really bad day , or even a bad week is easily followed by a better day . The big tape is the money tape. and recently I realized that letting the money tape get too loud, ment that I was avoiding something to do with money. Oddly, takeing care of the money issue shuts up the tape.

This doesn't mean the tapes don't run, but I hear them as tapes, old recordings, not truths.

And thank you Vortex.

totally true. Come on, you know that I don't lie to make people feel better. I love Em.

Aimee, I was going to say, seeing you with Em in SF (and hearing you with her on the phone) -- you're one of the most confident, comfortable parents I've ever seen. Your love for her is so evident. And she's just as bright and happy as Hec said.

{{Erin}}

{{Hil}} and {{Beej}} Take care of yourselves, ladies!

good enough parenting

I subscribe to good enough schooling. I work full time and go to school part time. Sometimes, just passing is good enough. Sometimes, I have to miss class because of work (see yesterday). Oftentimes, it's good enough.

totally true. Come on, you know that I don't lie to make people feel better. I love Em.

I do know that. THank you , love.

and hearing you with her on the phone

Now see, I thought you would have heard her screaming for "FOOD FOOOD!" and me saying, "No, you can't have food." would have had you caling the authorities.

She's so funny. We went to a big consignment sale last night and she got a Thomas toy thingie. I had no idea she even knew who Thomas was until she found this toy. Now, it has replaced the balls as her Very Favorite Thing. First thing morning, "THOMAS! THOMAS! THOMAS! MY THOMAS!"

I forsee sharing being an issue.

As an example...at Emily's graduation party I couldn't find bowls to put the dip in. Emily finally looked at me and said, "What do you need bowls for? Put them out in the containers. That way everyone knows what's in them." I was like, "Ok. I guess that's what Hec would call 'good enough.'"

It is the basis for most of my mental health! There are a few places where I don't cut myself slack. When I write I hold myself to a very high standard. I don't give up on a sentence until it's as good as my talent can make it. (However good that is.)

And with parenting I don't let myself Not Show Up. You know? A huge part of parenting is just getting up in the middle of the night and doing the errands and making sure there are clean clothes. No matter how tired or sick or cranky or irritable I am, I suck that up and Show Up for my parenting responsibilities. I think that over the long haul that provides a lot of emotional security for your kid. Just knowing Mom and Dad are definitely going to be there, no matter what.

The other place where I really work hard in parenting is patience. Not just reacting to stuff, but forcing myself to really listen and respond. To be respectful to Emmett. (And Matilda when that will matter to her.)

After that there are places where I do try to check myself regularly, but it's not so much a Should as in the realm of Correction. You could do better. Somewhere between Amends and personal improvement.

Could I be a better husband? Yes. Be nicer. Be more patient. Could I do a better job at work? Yes. Try to focus. Do the fucking filing and maintenance work and not just the hot thing in front of you. Could I be more positive on the board? Yes. Being a bubbling pit of negativity kind of sucks for everybody. Give more back. (I credit Nutty for making me think about this in a more conscious way.)

Like that.

you don't want to be some old lady with a little kid.

Heh. I'm gonna be in my fucking sixties when Matilda is in high school.

See, this makes me feel better about being indecisive. You are youthful and I'm sure still will be in your 60s. I'm 36, but I read comics, go see bands all the time, and I keep up with new music, trends, etc. I don't see that changing anytime soon. I am generally perceived as younger than I am. Not that any of this matters in terms of parenting, but again, it's part of that silly-ass tape. "Don't be waiting too long, you old hag!"

Growing old is optional, right?

Uh. People put dip out in bowls?

I consider dip in the container to be flat-out "good," not "good enough."

I am so white trash.

BWAH! No! Not white trash. I'm just...um...worse than Martha Stewart when it comes to setting a table. I was educated by my mother, who was educated by her MIL. It can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be a chore.

There are a few places where I don't cut myself slack. When I write I hold myself to a very high standard. I don't give up on a sentence until it's as good as my talent can make it. (However good that is.)

It's funny that you should use that example. That's one place that I've had to let go. I can work on a piece, a sentence, a word, for years and never finish something because of it. My old therapist and I instituted the three draft rule for school writing, because I would have 20 drafts and make myself crazy before I'd actually finish something. I still don't stick to the three draft rule, but it's helped me SO much to let go of that a bit.

Like that.

And I think that's a very healthy way of looking at it.