At 23, with a grand total of 3 serious relationships under my belt, I should still be a little wary of judging my own reactions too early, right?

Maybe this will be easier to answer if I give some context.

I'm dating this girl. Pretty seriously, I guess. I just spent most of a three-day weekend with her (three days because NYC Board of Ed gives Jewish holidays off, which rocks).

I like her. A lot. She's adorable, and funny. We talk easily and about a lot of different things. She uses fantastic adjectives. She kicked my ass in a strategy game, and she loves and appreciates art - performing and visual. She makes great pancakes. We're sexually compatible. And she liked the pilot of Veronica Mars. Pretty much everything I can name about her is good. In fact, I can't name anything bad about her, off the top of my head - she's great.

But I'm not smitten. Not yet.

Now, maybe that's normal. Our first date, which was very exploratory, lasted an hour or so, and involved no physical contact, was less than a month ago. Barring special occasions like this weekend, we don't get to see each other all that often. So I haven't really had that much time to become smitten, maybe.

Still. Worried. By the time fluids were being exchanged with any regularity in my previous relationships, I was completely head over heels. Many of you may remember the giddiness of the early Gershwin Girl days. I don't feel that here. In some ways, I think the slow building of this relationship is a lot healthier than the instant burning fire I've had before, but at the same time, I'm worried that I'm stuck at candle-flame level this time.

How can I tell? Can I? I mean, I know I should keep going with this - even if I'm not smitten, yet, I have no reason to think it won't happen, other than the fact that it's been faster than this in the past. But none of those relationships made it past 8 months, so I shouldn't be using those as a judgement basis anyway, right?

Mostly, I just really don't want to let it go so far that she's completely in love with me and I'm not headed there. Because I know me, and I will wait too long to break it off, and so I'll end up as the guy in the Barenaked Ladies song "Break Your Heart." Which sucks more than anything. The one time I played that role ranks among the worst parts of my life, and is certainly the low point of my romantic career.

Grr. Why can't I just think with my penis like most guys? You guys would hate me, but my life would be so much easier...

Mostly, I just really don't want to let it go so far that she's completely in love with me and I'm not headed there

Do you know you're not headed there, or is that conjecture at this point?

Do you know you're not headed there, or is that conjecture at this point?

That's just it - I don't know. I don't know how to tell if I'm heading there or not, because it's always been so fast for me to fall into serious twiterpatedness.

I don't like her any less today than I did last week, but I don't really like her any more either, despite spending about 30 hours with her this weekend. My emotions are at about the same place. Which is "I like this girl," but not "ZOMG heart pitter-patter I shall spend a lot of time grinning and dancing about and fantasizing about marriage and babies and making up poetic nicknames for the Buffistas!"

I think it's probably too early for me to assume I'll never get to that point, but... when do I know?

Is there a reason you're pressuring yourself to know now? I just wonder if dating and hanging out with a girl you find funny and interesting without it being something serious right now is an okay thing for you. I, personally, see nothing wrong with dating her and getting to know her before making any decisions.

You're not leading her on, right? You're 23. You're supposed to be dating and having fun. Relationships don't always have to be serious.

Relationships, for me, tend to be serious. I'm not sure I know how to do a non-serious one, or if I'd want to.

I'm pressuring myself to know now for her benefit as much as mine, because I think she's really starting to like me, and trust me. As is too often the case with smart, somewhat quirky girls, she hasn't had much luck with relationships in the past, and I don't want to be another mark in her "Not Worthy of Love" evidence book.

Which is probably overdramatic.

I don't think I'm leading her on, but I'm worried I might be doing so accidentally. It's happened before. I could fix, if it's happening, by actually talking to her, making it clear how strongly I feel (or don't feel) in actual communication. A strange concept, in the dating world.

Can you talk to her about it so that she knows where you stand? You like her and you like hanging out with her, but you're not feeling that smitten thing. It could develop, it could not develop, but you want to keep spending time with her.

Unless, of course, you don't want to keep spending time with her and this nix all that!

Gris, you're sexually compatible and you enjoy spending time with her, so I would just tell her that you are not sure you are looking for a serious long term commitment right now(which to me sounds a lot better than I am not sure if I can head over heels for you yet), but you want to see where this leads. Also, you're young and I think you should take some of the pressure off yourself. However, at 29 I am in my first long term relationship of my life, so take my advice fwiw.

Yep. Talking is good. Gonna do that. Now, gonna go to bed. Should've gotten more work done today. Still sick. Tomorrow will suck. Bah.

Feel better, Gris. I finished my schoolwork and am headed to be now too. Night, Bitches!

Well talk about a cocksucker.

I ran out of quilt squares.