Spike's Bitches 32: I think I'm sobering up.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
He works. Boys night out isn't traditional for us. I don't do tradition. What I mean is there's never been a "I'm only going to hang out with men, dear." We have such a mixed group of friends that whether seperate or together, we're probably with mixed sex. I can't think of a time when we explicitly excluded one or the other. I don't exclude him when S and I are going out if he wants to come because they're friends too. Why would I? I'm not terribly coupley either so that's confusing. And about 1/3 of those guys are better friends with me than him.
ETA- Work. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday we see each other for a total of half an hour- until Wednesday evenings. Which works since we're both only children.
the hardest thing about marriage ( or other similar chosen relationships ) is figureing out who needs how much of what when. and understanding that these thing fluctuate - unpredictably.
Sadly, I must stop typeing , my right hand felt much better until plumbing cleanup
I don't exclude him when S and I are going out if he wants to come because they're friends too.
But this is immaterial. What you choose to do doesn't determine what he chooses to do or vice versa. It took me a LOOOONG time to learn this. I use a mantra my therapist gave me when this comes up. When. for example, my DH does something I can't understand. ike wanting to walk four miles into town in Mazatlan when it is over 100 degrees outside and we are supposed to be on vacation and the cab only costs $3, to take a recent example. The mantra when i ask myself "Why?" or say to myself "I would never ask HIM to take a cab (or whatever)" is "Because he's not me." That's all. He's not me, he deosn't think the way I think, he does things I would never do. It's a wonderful, exciting thing and it cam also be maddening.I work hard to let him be him and expect him to do the same for me.
so he broke with your usual custom. and not very gracefully. something is bugging him , even if is just stupid stuff.( or maybe one of his friends just wanted to talk to him ) so he didn't really think about what he was saying - and aac'ding to what you said earlier ,neither were you. I think you'll be able to tell him what really bugged you and why saying'no girls allowed ' added to it .Admit that you might have still been unhappy if he had gone out without you - if you had understood he just wante dsome noncouple time , you would have delt - things will work out.
Where's my "what scrappy said" shirt? I'm a traditionalist.
He's not me, he deosn't think the way I think, he does things I would never do.
Anyone else have the "which route do you take and why don't you go my way which is obviously infinitely more better?" arguement?
You're angry and hurt. Easy to take things the wrong way.
I took both things both ways in subsequent rereadings. If hurt and angry color things from way back, they make the present just so hazed...
Hope the hand feels better in the morning, beth.
One thing it took us a long time to work out was the way we approach tasks. He really likes to finish before he moves on to the next thing. This means if he is downloading photos to the computer, he doesn't want to stop and eat dinner until he finishes, and if there is a glitch and it takes a longer time than he expected, he would rather wait and eat dinner two hours later than usual. Where I will stop and go eat and figure I'll finish later. My way is CLEARLY the sensible and right way to do things, but for some reason he thinks I am disorganized and unfocused. Luckily for our mental health, we usually work around these styles. Sometimes it takes a bit of negotiation, though.
The no girls thing will continue to bother me. Because that's kinda the thing. I didn't think me not excluding him from time with our friends because he's a boy was a me thing- I really didn't think it was the kind of thing he'd do. He's the kind of guy who'd roll his belt into a neat little ball and then just shove it anywhere, or pick up any old trash from the side of the road or garage sales and even though we've never used the juicer or the dehydrator and the chair doesn't fit and gets thrown away a month later, he continues to do it. I don't get any of that, but it's fine. I really thought better of him on this one though.
I'm bored in a theatre technical rehearsal. And in a bit of pain. Therefore? Haiku time!
O, my aching back.
Something's seriously fuck'd.
Want some flexeril!
Hopefully soon there will be a chiropractor in my life.
"Because he's not me." That's all. He's not me, he deosn't think the way I think, he does things I would never do. It's a wonderful, exciting thing and it cam also be maddening.I work hard to let him be him and expect him to do the same for me.
This is perfect. I clearly need one of those Scrappy t-shirts too!
It's been my experience that asking "why" in relation to someone else's behavior is a lost cause. Not only because we can never really figure out what is going on in someone else's heart/mind (not even those of us paid to do so) but because, often, they don't know either!
And even worse, if we could know exactly why someone does something, the answer doesn't really change the impact.
My way is CLEARLY the sensible and right way to do things
Take too oldest children
both who think that way
take many years of to realize that how one does the laundry - will not change the fate of the world. really . and where it does - well, he cleans the kitchen and I clean the bathroom.
really getting off the computer now
