Backflung, but only somewhat. Detail tomorrow.
I've been out of the abbey two days, I've beaten a lawman senseless, I've fallen in with criminals. I watched the captain shoot the man I swore to protect. And I'm not even sure if I think he was wrong.
Book ,'Serenity'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Pix - Sep 09, 2004 8:10:19 pm PDT #6501 of 10001
The status is NOT quo.
Allyson - Sep 09, 2004 8:11:07 pm PDT #6502 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
Thanks, Hil! That was very helpful.
Hil R. - Sep 09, 2004 8:18:50 pm PDT #6503 of 10001
Sometimes I think I might just move up to Vermont, open a bookstore or a vegan restaurant. Adam Schlesinger, z''l
Thanks, Hil! That was very helpful.
Oh, good. I always feel like I'm going too grammar-psycho when beta-reading.
I liked a lot of the imagery you had in there.
Deena - Sep 10, 2004 5:12:17 am PDT #6504 of 10001
How are you me? You need to stop that. Only I can be me. ~Kara
It's neat to see all this energy over Allyson's essays.
It took me a bit, but here are my bells.
-----
Canned bells ring out from a little church in a little town where life is sweet (except for weeds creeping up to buckle the sidewalks, drugs, teen pregnancy and the deaths of children playing with guns).
Bells ring for weddings, great white frosted things with laughing 22 year-old tin-can driving college-graduates who will have 2.5 children and live happily ever after. (Or not.)
Bells don’t ring for me. Father O’Malley won’t tilt his head (to let me know the catch in my breath, this presentiment of doom, is unnecessary), and wink to say everything is well; God watches over all.
deborah grabien - Sep 10, 2004 6:53:58 am PDT #6505 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Oh, Deena. That one's a stinger.
Pix - Sep 10, 2004 8:11:13 am PDT #6506 of 10001
The status is NOT quo.
Allyson, backflung.
Like Deb, may be too much feedback. Please let me know.
Also, my Word sometimes doesn't seem to translate all of the "track changes" and highlights and such, so I sent it both as a Word doc and as an html doc, just in case.
Allyson - Sep 10, 2004 8:18:51 am PDT #6507 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
Given the feedback, the piece seems to be a "no go."
Back to drawing board.
Beverly - Sep 10, 2004 8:21:27 am PDT #6508 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
?? I must not have read the same piece everybody else did.
Polter-Cow - Sep 10, 2004 8:23:26 am PDT #6509 of 10001
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
Given the feedback, the piece seems to be a "no go."
The hell? Everyone else must have been REALLY MEAN. Or something. No, really, I'm confused. I thought it was better than the cat one. Hmmm.
Ginger - Sep 10, 2004 8:23:37 am PDT #6510 of 10001
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda
Bells
There should be bells. Bells ringing from every church tower. Ancient air raid sirens dusted off and set to wailing from every courthouse. In the smallest towns, the pastors, awakened by the distant cacophony, should hurry in their robes and slippers to start the bells ringing. People should run from house to house, pounding on doors, their hoarse cries echoing. Children should wake from nightmares and refuse to be comforted. Babies should cry for no reason. There should be summer lightning and the sound of hoof beats. There is only silence and flickering screens and a shiver in the dark.