Oh, Deena. That one's a stinger.
Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage.
Oz ,'First Date'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
deborah grabien - Sep 10, 2004 6:53:58 am PDT #6505 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Pix - Sep 10, 2004 8:11:13 am PDT #6506 of 10001
The status is NOT quo.
Allyson, backflung.
Like Deb, may be too much feedback. Please let me know.
Also, my Word sometimes doesn't seem to translate all of the "track changes" and highlights and such, so I sent it both as a Word doc and as an html doc, just in case.
Allyson - Sep 10, 2004 8:18:51 am PDT #6507 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
Given the feedback, the piece seems to be a "no go."
Back to drawing board.
Beverly - Sep 10, 2004 8:21:27 am PDT #6508 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
?? I must not have read the same piece everybody else did.
Polter-Cow - Sep 10, 2004 8:23:26 am PDT #6509 of 10001
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
Given the feedback, the piece seems to be a "no go."
The hell? Everyone else must have been REALLY MEAN. Or something. No, really, I'm confused. I thought it was better than the cat one. Hmmm.
Ginger - Sep 10, 2004 8:23:37 am PDT #6510 of 10001
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda
Bells
There should be bells. Bells ringing from every church tower. Ancient air raid sirens dusted off and set to wailing from every courthouse. In the smallest towns, the pastors, awakened by the distant cacophony, should hurry in their robes and slippers to start the bells ringing. People should run from house to house, pounding on doors, their hoarse cries echoing. Children should wake from nightmares and refuse to be comforted. Babies should cry for no reason. There should be summer lightning and the sound of hoof beats. There is only silence and flickering screens and a shiver in the dark.
Pix - Sep 10, 2004 8:24:13 am PDT #6511 of 10001
The status is NOT quo.
Allyson, absolutely not what my feedback was indicating at all. I'm sorry if it came across that way. The heart of the piece is excellent. Like everything I've ever written, it just might need some tweaking.
I said this in my email to you, but I think it's important to state here too: your personality crackles out of this piece and makes the reader want to know you, not just Tim.
You may be too close to it right now. Maybe take a day or two and get some breathing room, and come back to it fresh. I find that that makes it easier to see what's great about a piece and what could be done to make it better.
Beverly - Sep 10, 2004 8:24:42 am PDT #6512 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Ginger, you raised the hair on the back of my neck. Nice.
Allyson - Sep 10, 2004 8:28:38 am PDT #6513 of 10001
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
Nah. Everyone was confused by something different, or wanted more than I was willing to spell.
If I clarified all of it to make it crystal, I'd lose my voice in it, completely. It'd be stereo instructions. The problem is, I don't do tender so good.
This one goes in a drawer, and I'll revisit it later.
Hil R. - Sep 10, 2004 8:33:15 am PDT #6514 of 10001
Sometimes I think I might just move up to Vermont, open a bookstore or a vegan restaurant. Adam Schlesinger, z''l
What Kristin Said.