I've been reading mystery anthologies a bit recently, and the stories are often very divergent from the "standard" mystery format.

I have now had two people tell me the following sentences are unclear to them:

The stable-turned-hospital was small and half-empty. They had seen little action of late, and the dry heat of summer, though uncomfortable, offered a respite from the contagion that often followed the army.

To me, as long as you've read the two pages before it and know that the viewpoint character is in an army, it's completely 100% obvious what I'm trying to say. The second sentence explains, as plain as day, why there aren't many patients in the hospital. What am I missing here?

Uh, I hadn't read any pages and I got it. There was a stable, and it was like a hospital, and there weren't a lot of people being shot and in the hospital, and the summer was hot, and somehow the heat kept disease from spreading and thus people weren't sick and in the hospital.

I think my confusion would be wondering how the heat prevented disease from spreading. There's a little vagueness with the "They" at the start of the second sentence, but I'm assuming that when it's in context, it's not unclear at all.

Yeah -- it would be the cause and effect of heat and no contagion that would be my suspicion of unclearness.

Okay, I'm glad ita didn't get it either. I thought that was something I should have known about, but yeah, if you assume the reader understands that, you're, uh, wrong.

Hmm. Maybe I should change it to something like, "The army had seen little action lately, and summer rarely was as sickly a season as the cold, wet winters, so the stable-turned-hospital was half empty."

I like the short stable-turned-hospital sentence. Perhaps "The stable-turned-hospital was small and half-empty. They had seen little action of late, and summer was rarely as sickly a season as the cold, wet winters."

And if the reader can't connect a less sickly season with fewer soldiers being sick...than they shouldn't be reading your book.

That works. Thanks, P-C and ita. It's often hard to see why something isn't working, because it all makes such perfect sense in my head.

Coming in late, but yes, change the object of the second sentence from amorphous "they" to specific "the army" and it's fine. Only other comment I have is the two sets of hyphens that close to each other - stable-turned-hospital" and "half-empty" - was a bit visually offputting.

Tim gave the okay on his essay. My relief, it is great. Shoulder to wheel.