Good writing, askye.

Few comments:

Instead the trees are gray skeletons

I wonder if this could be stronger: 'Instead, they are grey skeletons' might be better. Similary,

And the sky---it seems to stretch out forever.

Might be better as 'The sky seems to stretch out forever', even blending into the next sentance with a comma instead of a break.

Everything is so monochromatic

If you take the 'so' out, it would read more smoothly.

Otherwise, it's very good. And it may just be that I'm looking for a different tone in the longer paragraph, so I might have been talking rubbish about the changes. I especially like the opening line- very effective.

Am-Chau, sorry I haven't responded sooner, I like some your suggestions. I went one step further with the trees=skeletons. That image is still staying with me. I'm still working on the other, not quite story, that will end up resembling this in parts, because this is the source for that.

The trees are short;they look like they've been stunted from exposure to the elements---as if the constant wind keeps them battered and hunched over. There are few conifers here, few trees that are evergreen. The trees are gray skeletons, stripped bare and whip-thin, that shake and rattle against the wind. And the sky, it seems to stretch out forever, not quite blue today and not quite gray, not an even cloud cover. Like paints that have been mixed and not quite blended: blue, gray, white and smeared across canvas stretched taut like a tent. The grass is dead, brownish and the ground races out towards the sky. Everything is monochromatic: gray, brown, dirty white, yellow. Naked trees, cold rocks and boulders, dead grass. Only the shock of evergreen bushes to startle the eye.

Am-Chau, sorry I haven't responded sooner, I like some your suggestions.

That's fine; always glad to help. I like the second version, the only thing I have to say is that in "the sky, it seems", the 'it' feels redundent. Maybe 'the sky seems' would work? You might feel you need the pause, in which case leave it, but it jarred me a little when I read it the first time. Otherwise: good work.

Yeah, I have that, and then also I use "not quite" twice in a row. I should see if I can change that up.

It's really just taken right out of my journal.

The not quite story thing is what has my attention now, of course when I sit down to work on it nothing comes, but when I'm driving around suddenly the words just rush at me.

when I'm driving around suddenly the words just rush at me.

I know that place. I don't drive, so it's usually when I'm walking, but still it's hard to find a way to write them down. Will you post the 'not quite story thing' when you're done? I'd like to read it.

I will. I'm not sure when that will be, but I will.

Well, whenever it is, I'll look forward to it.

I went to a quite nice critique group last night, and it was useful, and I'll be adding it to my routine.

One person described a section as "too clever by half".

I recognize the problem, but I'm not sure how to solve it.

Too clever="I'm smart and I'm going to show it"? Maybe she was feeling like she wasn't getting all the references or following the style.

"I'm smart and I'm going to show it"?

Almost certainly. And come to think of it, she did complain about too many culture references. Which are deliberate, and are character statements, and are all classic-romance-novel references (GWTW, Jane Eyre, P&P, all of which have had well-circulated video adaptations.)