Buffy ,'Showtime'
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Am-Chau, sorry I haven't responded sooner, I like some your suggestions.
That's fine; always glad to help. I like the second version, the only thing I have to say is that in "the sky, it seems", the 'it' feels redundent. Maybe 'the sky seems' would work? You might feel you need the pause, in which case leave it, but it jarred me a little when I read it the first time. Otherwise: good work.
Yeah, I have that, and then also I use "not quite" twice in a row. I should see if I can change that up.
It's really just taken right out of my journal.
The not quite story thing is what has my attention now, of course when I sit down to work on it nothing comes, but when I'm driving around suddenly the words just rush at me.
when I'm driving around suddenly the words just rush at me.
I know that place. I don't drive, so it's usually when I'm walking, but still it's hard to find a way to write them down. Will you post the 'not quite story thing' when you're done? I'd like to read it.
I will. I'm not sure when that will be, but I will.
Well, whenever it is, I'll look forward to it.
I went to a quite nice critique group last night, and it was useful, and I'll be adding it to my routine.
One person described a section as "too clever by half".
I recognize the problem, but I'm not sure how to solve it.
Too clever="I'm smart and I'm going to show it"? Maybe she was feeling like she wasn't getting all the references or following the style.
"I'm smart and I'm going to show it"?
Almost certainly. And come to think of it, she did complain about too many culture references. Which are deliberate, and are character statements, and are all classic-romance-novel references (GWTW, Jane Eyre, P&P, all of which have had well-circulated video adaptations.)
I drop strange references into stuff all the time (ask Teppy about my faux-James Joycean "Rain was general over Sunnydale" some time). I thought it was clever. Not everyone's going to get everything.
I just don't want to write a Look How Clever I Am novel.
Can you tell my junior-high-school insecurities are showing?