Just catching up on Susan's piece, the one thing that stuck in my mind, since I read it last night, is that you said the heroine was "racist".

Maybe it's just me, but that just sounds awful to me. You went on and softened it afterward, but hey, if she's racist, she's pretty much a bad person and I don't care if she gets hit by a truck, let alone finds True Love. I'd have been much happier reading something like "she's been brought up in a racist family" or "she has the racist attitudes typical of her upbringing" or something.

I'd have been much happier reading something like "she's been brought up in a racist family" or "she has the racist attitudes typical of her upbringing" or something.

Wouldn't she still be racist?

I'd have been much happier reading something like "she's been brought up in a racist family" or "she has the racist attitudes typical of her upbringing" or something.

That's what I was trying to get at by saying it's clear she's acting out of ignorance instead of malice, but I could certainly change it.

Wouldn't she still be racist?

Well yeah, but there's something about saying a person is something that makes it sound final, and much more damning, than if you say that they have certain attitudes, which to my mind links it in a certain time in their life.

Do her attitudes change, Susan, as the book goes on? I'm assuming this isn't one of those aryan-fascist-KKK-sponsored-white-supremacist romance novels that are so common in bookstores today...

Oh yes, her attitudes definitely change--not in one big epiphany, but you see her gradually become more open-minded throughout.

In that case I think I would have written "At the start of the book..." followed by whatever you have to say about her attitudes.

In writing class tonight, I got applause. And then one of my classmates said it was a very polished scene, so he wasn't surprised it was from earlier in the story than the previous things I'd had workshopped. I said, "I've been writing the book out of order. I actually wrote this scene last night." They then clapped again.

I'm floating about six feet above the ground right now.

Cool. Go, Susan.

Something I've been working on. Needs polish

Borrowed

I heard you once
I heard you say
(heard someone say,
at least):

This seems like what it needs to be.
There you are. Where did you go?
I will! Let's go tomorrow.
(I'm so happy) What good news!
Did you? I did! Oh, good for you!

This isn't what it should have been.
Where are you going? I can't find you.
Will we finish by tomorrow?
(I'm so sorry) Is there news?
Did you? I did. Oh, that's awful.

This isn't what it used to be.
I think I lost you. How'd I lose you?
I'll be gone, this time tomorrow.
(I'm so tired) That's not news.
Why did you? I just... did.

I like it, Holli. I especially like the rhythum of the last stanza, "I think I lost you. How'd I lose you?/ I'll be gone, this time tomorrow."

The last line is a bit, um, clunky- 'I just... did' doesn't feel like it works. Perhaps something which worked with the metre rather than against it would be better?

The pattern of using brackets is clever, too- and it works. The first stanza doesn't go with the rest quite as well, although that doesn't feel like it stops it working.