I like it, Holli. I imagine schools have some interest in accepting the people who really want to go there, and you've articulated why you do in a wonderfully concrete way.

What a wonderful essay, Holli! And I'd so totally accept you. In fact, right now I'm even thinking of transferring to Haverford. Except I'm really lazy, so forget that.

I don't think you really need to include your fear about the essay before yours, but it doesn't hurt anything, and it leads to your hilarious camel, which I've grown attached to, so yeah... where was I going with this?

I hope I get a chance to.

I would change this sentence so that it doesn't end in a preposition, especially since it's the last sentence of the essay, where it will be remembered most. You could even change it to just "I hope I get a chance to do so" and it would be fine.

Holli! good work. They'd have to be on monkey crack not to take you.

I want to go to Haverford. I think it worked.

Very nice indeed, Holli.

A couple of points:

I live in constant fear that the application you read before mine will belong to someone so brilliant and accomplished that, in comparison, I will look even shabbier than I am.

I feel that "shabby" isn't the right word here. "Shabby" to me only means dressed in old clothes, scruffy, untidy. I'm sure the college is happy for you to be dressed in old clothes! I'm thinking it would read better as "I will look less [something] than I really am" -- plus, expressed that way, you're not putting yourself down.

I hope I get a chance to.

I agree that this sentence could do with reforming. People are still snobby about the preposition thing. Also it just kind of falls flat at seven short syllables. I think it would be better, and somehow ring better, as "I hope I get that chance".

Note also that the first sentence in that par ends in a preposition.

a place that I despair at being good enough for.

You might, for instance, say something like "Haverford’s Honor Code makes an already amazing campus so [great,wonderful,welcoming etc] that I despair at being good enough for it."? That's clunky too, but you see what I mean.

But they're only tiny tiny quibbles because you asked -- it's fun and easy to read, and the spirit of the thing somes through just fine already.

I loved it Holli. I don't think they'd be allowed to refuse you after that.

I liked it a lot, Holli. Something about the phrase "despair at being good enough for" is bugging me, though. Maybe "long to be good enough for it"? Or wish, or hope? Or maybe even "despair of" rather than "despair at."

I'd go with "despair of being good enough". Good essay, as they've all said.

My writing class told me that I had to add anvils to my story. I don't want to. Does anyone have any suggestions for revising a fairy tale-ish story so that people who don't read fairy tales, or remember them, will be familiar with the allusions? And I'm not talking about more obscure fairy tales like The Six Swans, but fairy tales like Jack and the Bean Stalk. (Is bean stalk one word or two? Hmm.)

Does anyone have any suggestions for revising a fairy tale-ish story so that people who don't read fairy tales, or remember them, will be familiar with the allusions?

Sure. You can toss off a few background details which reinforce the fairytale connection. Jack the Giant Killer. Beans. Cow. Stalk. "Stalking a cow across a bean field with jack cheese." Just throw that sentence in there and they no longer have an excuse to not get it.