Well, Suzi, I understand your ickiness, but since you haven't met him yet, you're kinda going off of hearsay.

I'd say put in a polite appearance. Yeah, the sitch may be a disaster, but it'll give you a chance to make your own observations, it's polite, and relatively painless. You don't have to fake happiness, but it's not faking to say "I hope everything goes well for your family and that you are happy."

That is your HOPE, right? You don't have to lie and say I'm happy for you. . . but you can express good wishes.

That was how he was identified before their father died. After - well, maybe not so much.

I haven't met - so no report from my gaydar.

Congrats to Teacup Guy!

And to you and your new weekends with the bf.

And Suziq: your neighbor married her gay friend?

If your kids want to go, let them give support to their kids. I assume they're old enough not to need a lesson on those social graces that involve a certain amount of dissembling, but you know that better than I.

As for yourself, I'm of the "I promised to go, so I can't back out without giving a very good reason" school. Which doesn't preclude making up good reasons when necessary. In this case, I'd suggest going to (1) support their kids, (2) set a good example for your kids, (3) have good stories to tell for our amusement on Monday morning.

Suzi, I'd say go with an open mind. But, have a backup planned. Have DH call you 1/2 hour after you arrive. Enough time to assess the sitch, say hello and be seen. Then, you can just say, oh, got to leave, home emergency.

Congrats, sj and Mr. Teacup!

Y'all are wise. I'm over thinking the whole thing. As I mentioned, they are neighbors, so it is easy to "pop in" and then leave. It is an open house - so there is no hard start/end time I have to be there for.

I want to have an open mind about the whole thing. Just the closer this event gets, the more funky I feel about it. I know I'm projecting some of my issues onto their situation and I need to stop that.

Rah! Rah! Teacup Guy!

Vortex is wise, Suzi.

This is my freak-out with every new job

I can't recommend highly enough, nabbing a copy of Emily Koltnow's book 'Congratulations, You've been fired.' [link] when negotiating into or out of a gig.

The book is out of print, which means you can pick it up, for wicked cheap, on amazon.

It features a fairly comprehensive list of things you can ask for and how to ask for them. Emily is pretty old-school, and the book is geared toward women, but it really is useful both emotionally and practically, for just about anyone getting a new job or leaving an old one.

Congratulations to teacup guy, sj! Time to partay!

Cash, that does sound like an awkward place to be in. I don't do that kind of work, so I'd say that Vortex definitely has the inside track on how to handle it. I'll keep vibing job~ma your way so that you both get paid in a timely manner and, most of all, get the job.

As for negotiating salaries? I suck. Only once have I gotten what I wanted and that was by sheer luck. I was worth it, but their ideas of why they thought I was and my ideas of why were two totally different ideas. When I left that position, the person that took it after me had to take a $4 an hour paycut.