I was very uncomfortable doing it, but I followed his instructions because I am supposed to respect his advice as a family member.

Something still bothers me about this sentence (and we now know who of Steph and I edits for a living, but that's beside the point....). Why are you supposed to do what your uncle says? Is your culture geared toward that kind of deference? Does your family place importance on that point? Is his advice usually good?

The problem is, I'm not sure how to correct it without possibly making yourself look worse.

Teppy's done an excellent edit job.

I can, when need be, actually be diplomatic and bullshit people smooth ruffled feathers, instead of my surly cranky bitey self.

I just generally don't see the need.

However! Anything for P-C, yo.

The problem is, I'm not sure how to correct it without possibly making yourself look worse.

I changed it to say "....I try to respect his advice as a family member...."

Because that conveys the right tone of Not A Jackhole To His Family While Still Thinking Independently But Once In A While Takes Shaky Advice.

IMO, that is.

Crap, P-C! Don't be all close-to-tears! Teppy's changes to the letter strike me as being Of The Good, and I think that the thing to focus on now is gaining and maintaining the good relationship with the landlord. And getting the hell away from Uncle BadAdvice-Cow.

Meanwhile, I ply you with virtual hugs and cookies and hot girls (who may be white or black or whatever, even though that never works out).

In mememe news, wheeeeeeeee! I now own this and can pretend to be a student at Durmstrang.

FanTAStic.

::scampers off to learn the Dark Arts and cast Imperio on Uncle BadAdvice-Cow::

Is your culture geared toward that kind of deference?

Respecting your elders is one of our most important values.

The problem is, I'm not sure how to correct it without possibly making yourself look worse.

No, not really. Because correcting it would involve, "I figured if he were right, I could save some money, and if he were wrong, there was no harm in asking, maybe?"

Because that conveys the right tone of Not A Jackhole To His Family While Still Thinking Independently But Once In A While Takes Shaky Advice.

Heh. Yeah.

Also, Hec, I saw your post and appreciate it but don't have a good response.

P-C, there is also something to be said for the fine are of smiling, nodding, and saying things like, "Thanks, I hadn't thought of that." Not technically lying, ijs.

It may not working in all circumstances (esp with PC) but when confronted with unwanted advice Mom's response is to say "You're probably right." (or "You know, you're probably right.") and then ignore all the advice, and leave to get out of the situation.

She says it shuts people up long enough for her to do what she needs to. I'm not sure what she does if the person comes back and the advice hasn't been taken but I think she just repeats some variation of "you were probably right."

Just saw Teppy's new edit. Which works better.

(c) dissemble (go dissembling!); (d) get some therapy and learn important lessons about disengaging from people, and knowing what's Your Shit and what's Their Shit and how to enforce those boundaries (healthiest approach, but it takes a couple years).

As a veteran of some pretty serious family wars (let's just say I ended up with Hec's option (a)), I recommend a combination of (c) and (d) at this point. (c) is what you need to get them out of your face. As you no doubt know from college days, it's surprisingly easy to control the information your family gets when you're living on your own and they don't see you day to day.

But (c) is more viable as a way to buy time than as a longterm strategy. It's too easy to reach the point where the tension becomes too much to handle.

For example, let's say that a couple of year from now, you fall for a lovely woman from Ireland (or anywhere else that makes her non-Gujarati). What do you do? Do you pretend to your family that this big part of your life doesn't exist? Do you leave her behind and visit family alone? And what if there are children?

Which is why, long-term, I recommend (d).

Also, Hec, I saw your post and appreciate it but don't have a good response.

That's fine. Practice your zen detachment and turning aside skills. That's all I'm saying.

P-C, there is also something to be said for the fine are of smiling, nodding, and saying things like, "Thanks, I hadn't thought of that." Not technically lying, ijs.

My response is, "Well, there's an idea."

Also, Teppy is a verra good editor.