P-C, I agree completely with what has been said. Sail is wise and your uncle steered you wrong. I mean, from your landlord's point of view, you questioned his ethics about double charging then asked him to not charge you.

I also agree with Vortex about learning to lie. I don't lie to be malicious, but I certainly lie to avoid issues with my family. Maybe I delude myself into thinking it makes them feel better, but I honestly think it does. They don't need to know everything. And, it's often easier to lie when you know they're wrong about something than cause a fight that just isn't worth it.

One of the things I loved about Buffy (and a lot of other shows) is that they are so good at having the characters answer vaguely, thus causing great later confusion. Of course, they have the advantage of having a script, but I've tried to become less committal in my answers. Personally, I suck at lying. Also, I have this crazy compulsion to answer the question thoroughly and completely, but that isn't always needed. Not that this applies to P-C's situation, but it has been valuable for me to learn to sometimes answer with as little as possible.

Not lying is much harder

On one hand, I completely agree with this...on the other, personal experience hand, nsm.

Due to stuff in my past, I spent a lot of my teen/20s lying like something that lies all the time. At a certain point...and thank all the powers for it...I decided I couldn't do it anymore. Didn't CHOOSE to do it anymore.

What I discovered was that I had been spending a galaxy-sized load of energy trying to:

• remember what I'd said in a lie
• remember to whom I'd told a particular lie
• make up NEW lies to cover old ones

It was literally exhausting. And the payoff was that it took a full two years before all of my lies caught up with me.

Now, out of sheer self-defense, I do everything I can to not lie. Which is odd, considering I'm working for a lawyer who routinely tells me to call soandso and tell them fillintheblanklie. I simply say no, I won't do that. I WILL tell them something else that is the truth, but I won't lie.

So far, it's worked.

Wow. This conversation is way too serious. Go and look at this picture: [link]

(And if anyone knows where I can get a high-res version of that...)

I'm a big fan a vaguing things up. For example, if Uncle said check with landlord to see if you can move in without paying, my response would likely be, I'll take care of it. And, then proceed to take care of it in my fashion. Then, if he asked if I had done it, I'd say, I took care of it.

Despite what Willow said, vagueness can be a friend.

I'll take care of it. And, then proceed to take care of it in my fashion. Then, if he asked if I had done it, I'd say, I took care of it.

This is very, very good. Assuages concern and has the extra added bonus of truth.

Go and look at this picture

That's gorgeous! Makes me miss the West.

Beej, you didn't remember the rules of lying! Say as little as possible and stick as close to the truth as possible. It's the only way.

But, what I meant was basically what you just said. I don't know that it took a lot of energy making up new lies, etc., but I wasn't the person I wanted to be. In order to avoid following their moral compass, I banged up my own to keep them from pushing.

That's not to say that Chikat's wrong either. They DON'T need to know everything. I told my parents my new dog is a mutt, and implied that he was an adoption. They would have been horrified to know that we spent money on an animal with children and house payment and all the other financial expenditures we have.

I also don't talk about my health with them. If it's bad, I did something wrong. If it's good, it's because they pray for me. If they ask directly, I tell them that it's under control, or I'm managing. Sometimes that's a lie.

Whoops, was typing when you posted that, Raq. It is beautiful. I like the grass one too.

I wasn't the person I wanted to be

Word. To infinity.

They DON'T need to know everything.

Oh mercy. I couldn't agree more with this. And, as you (and Chikat) say, there are ways of phrasing things that are, in fact, kinder and more efficient than the bald truth. Honesty, for its own sake, can be used as a weapon, or can be just as self-serving as a lie can.

eta: self-service? I'm off to the automat!