Lamely, it's such a relief not to have to figure out the characters like you usually do in the first episode!

Dell technical support convo:

6:20:44 PM How may I help you today?
6:21:27 PM The laptop that was just ordered seems to be DOA. I've had it on the charger for ~24 hours, and it won't power up.
6:22:21 PM Ita, If I am correct the issue is with the laptop(notebook). Is that correct?
6:22:48 PM Well, it won't turn on, so that's what I'm assuming.
6:24:24 PM Ita, you have been connected to a printer tecnician, please let me know if I connect you to the laptop technician.

Looking good! Except for the part where I have to leave in three minutes. And then start this whole thing all over again. I don't give a fuck where the tech support is located. Just make sense in English. It might not be official, but it sure is predominant among your customers, I'd bet.

That wasn't a human on the other end, right?

I had a conversation like that once with...umm....some sort of tech support. I don't remember who.

When they responded with "If I am correct the issue is with..." part, I was pissed because I had detailed all the problems already. My response? "Am I talking to a human? Because if so, you're an idiot and can't read." There was a 30 second pause and then I got a real human saying, "Oh, yes! I'm real. I'm sorry I didn't read your initial comment more clearly."

Yeah, right. I was talking to a computer and then got switched to a real tech support person.

oh god the first GA is on. It is kinda pianful remembering how much I liked him. I am not sure Hot is enough.

I need to go to bed. I can't watch it.

When they responded with "If I am correct the issue is with..." part, I was pissed because I had detailed all the problems already.

As a tech support person on the other end of the line, I get docked points for not restating the issue. Oh, and I have to use the person's name at least three times, no matter how awkwardly placed it is. Tain't so easy being the geek in the headset, either.

I am going to be addicted to BB this summer. I can tell.

I don't mind restating on the phone, depending on the tone of voice. But retyping what I can still see on my chat screen? Come on. As procedure it sucks, because it makes me think that a) computer or b) buying time.

Oh, yay. Redux.

9:35:02 PM System Welcome ita ...
9:35:02 PM System Connecting to server. Please wait...
9:35:02 PM System Thank you for using Dell Chat, a representative will be with you soon.
9:35:04 PM System You are now being connected to an agent. Thank you for using Dell Chat
9:35:04 PM System Connected with Peter_xxxxxx
9:35:08 PM Peter_xxxxxx Thank you for contacting Dell XPS Premium Technical Support. My name is Vivian and rep id is xxxxxx.
May I have your telephone number, along with the area code?
9:35:31 PM You 310 555 1234
9:37:17 PM You The laptop that I just ordered will not power all the way on. The battery is fully charged (I have checked the lights). The hard drive starts to spin up, and then it just fluttered off.
9:38:11 PM Peter_xxxxxx Thank you the information.Please give me 2 to 3 minutes to pull up the account information.
9:40:15 PM Peter_xxxxxx Meanwhile , let me inform you that you might get an invitation to participate in a survey at the end of this session. You would be asked to rate our interaction on a scale of 1 to 9 with 9 being the best. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Triple Kashi:

Okay--I need the feedback of non technical folks.

If you were online chatting with tech support about a busted laptop and they wanted you to do any of the following:

• remove memory module A (which includes removing the keyboard)
• remove memory module B
• remove the hard drive
• remove the DVD drive
• remove the hinge cover and reseat the flat cable

would you feel a little out of your depth? They are giving you diagrams online, but not all the diagrams you'll need, so you'll have to be able to work that out and ask for more.

Oh, and there's no flat cable.

Right. I didn't mention the part where you'll need teeny Philips head screwdrivers, and something they call a scribe.

At the best of times (and by best, I mean when I was certified and it was my job) I hated opening up laptops. They're inconsistent, finicky, and the screws are randomly sized but always smaller than you'd like.

I'm trying to imagine my mother or my sister (whose laptop it is) trying to do this, and they'd have freaked long ago.

As it was, I kept having to herd the troubleshooting away from a faulty AC adapter (since it charged the battery just fine). He actually asked if I had another AC adapter to test with.

Now I'm trying to return the damned thing, since they can't promise me they'll have a replacement in my hands before I leave for Jamaica next week. This had better not be a fight.