Memo

TO: Other Clinic Lady

FROM: Me

RE: Cluefulness, Attaining Same

Possibly you have noticed that in the six months you've been working here, I have called you three or four times a day every single day, explaining that I have a Spanish-speaking parent on the line who needs a translator. Possibly you have noticed this. Possibly you have not. Possibly it is all my fault for not explaining to you that the reason I'm transferring these people to you for translation is because I myself am not a translator and my own Spanish goes no further than food and banal pleasantries. If I could speak Spanish, I wouldn't be passing these people on to you asking you to translate, I'd be -- ah, how does one say it? Oh, yeah, TRANSLATING MY OWN DAMN SELF.

Therefore, if you transfer an exclusively Spanish-speaking mom to me and not only don't stay on the line to translate, but don't even stay on the line long enough to tell me you're transferring her, guess what happens? I stammer "Uno momento, por favor" in my crap-ass Russian-accented Spanish and transfer her right back to you, and this mom with a sick kid is now not only worried but pissed off and thinking that we are all a pack of idiots.

You're totally 1000% nicer than First Clinic Lady and I would never pull your rolly eyes out of your head like I will hers someday, I swear, but please, please, talk to me so the parents don't hate us and dread calling us and think we're all utter fucking morons, please? Kthxbye.

I think my Spanish is fairly decent, but still not good enough to translate such important stuff... I could possibly say that "Even though it looks like it, we're not all idiots."

I think I need to write a memo, too. Because I am still at work.

You know, if you are a professor and you want someone to update your on-line course, it would be a lot easier if you named your files what you are calling them in your instructions. Because this is my first time doing this class, I do not know much, nor do I want to know much, about Sexual Assualt Examination, and if you send me instructions telling me to put "Deb's Presentation" on day one, it might be helpful if I either knew who the fuck deb is or if she put her name on the presentation. And don't get me started about having to page through REALLY TRAUMITIZING sexual assault pictures to figure out if a presentation was an updated version.

I have also spent 4 hours with the world's slowest scanner, as it took me that long to scan in 50 pages of reading.

The class starts tomorrow and I have more to do, but frankly, I am giving up-- I slept for 3 hours last night, spent 5 hours in a planning meeting today, and I want to kill someone.

Also, watching a teevee show about saving pets from Katrina is not the thing to watch when you are missing the cat you had to give up because it tried to kill you! Especially at three am (hence the 3 hours sleep)

And don't get me started about having to page through REALLY TRAUMITIZING sexual assault pictures to figure out if a presentation was an updated version.

Oh, Sophia. This is a contender for the Thoughtless Instructions Hall of Fame.

Dear You know, if you are a Professor,

Have we got a kitty cat for you.

Love,
Sophia's Friends

Have we got a kitty cat for you.

Bwah-hah-hah.

The thing is, I am pretty hardy, really-- I handle pigs legs for suturing in this job, and I find the pictures disturbing, but I can handle it. However, for example, my cousin was sexually assaulted as a child and I think if she were doing this, she would be REALLY upset. Or if we were closer, I would be more personally upset. But this woman has no idea my history or background, and she really should, you know, warn a person or make sure this is OK, because I am not a medical secretary.

Ay yay yay. I am reminded why I am afraid to really get into the work part of work. Because as far as I can tell so far, none of them are jackholes, but I imagine that will change. Luckily, odds that I will have the exact experiences of either JZ or Sophia are very slim.

In better news, I am cooking dinner! After work! For the first time in like ever.

I saw a version of Macbeth last year with the title charachter dressed as Green Lantern, Banquo as Batman and Lady Macbeth as Wonder Woman. The conceit was that all the characters were in costume, not that they were playing suiper heroes.

But this woman has no idea my history or background, and she really should, you know, warn a person or make sure this is OK, because I am not a medical secretary.

Lord, yes. She lucked out with you this time, but she really, really shouldn't just expect that everything will be fine without checking with the actual human being doing the work.

I'm out on the patio again. Damn, I love it out here when the weather is perfect like this.