I'm so exhausted. Six more, and then I can go to sleep. I don't think I can take much more.

What Hec said.

Gud. I know you don't want to hear this, and feel free to ignore if I'm being obnoxious, but here's the thing: she is not going to change. The only one with the power and will to change the situation is you. Change like that is violent and painful--sometimes moreso than the steady stream of daily unhappy is worth--and I would understand if you decided not to take that drastic step. But I think it's important for you to remember, if only for your own sense of power and worth, that you do not have to be at the mercy of your wife for the rest of your life.

Backing off now.

Damn.

Well, all I have for Gud is punctuation. And admiration. And other things that end in -ation. It's difficult to make constructive comments without knowing the whole situation, but from the glimpses I get when Gud comes into the thread to vent - really, I just don't know how he could be trying any harder to make things work.

That was the outfit you were all worrying about and the Body Image and Self-Esteem Demons were getting at you about? Because that is GORGEOUS, as is the woman wearing it.

nods FOR EVER.

You both look fantastic in the picture. Love Cass's dress! But, damn, Jilli - any time you're worried about looking pudgy, check out that photo. I've never seen you looking less than beautiful (including pyjamas and fluffy slippers, in which there was this whole Lethal Cuteness Bomb thing going on), but it's striking how much skinnier you are now than at the first F2F. You've clearly been working hard at that, and it shows. In a good way.

Man, I bet the vampire ball was fun.

Thing is, Burrell, Gud's situation has been going on for a long time.

Thing is, Hec, I'm not telling him to stay with her or leave her. That's his decision, and I would NEVER advise someone with children to leave a spouse without knowing the situation very well. All I offered was, if he does want to be with her, that he should realize the advice he will receive here will always defend him *against* her because he's our peeps and she is not.

I also noted that many here will consider my advice wrongheaded and self-effacing, and my guess is that you consider me wrong. I'm okay with that. I may be wrong. Gud knows his own heart better than I could.

and my guess is that you consider me wrong.

In this instance yes. Though, so I'm clear, I'm not advocating that Gud leave either because I think his custody situation would be very difficult. It's not that he hasn't spent a lot of effort on his marriage - he has. She's been immovable.

All I offered was, if he does want to be with her, that he should realize the advice he will receive here will always defend him *against* her because he's our peeps and she is not.

That's true. I think that's even a given. We were very circumspect for a long time. But I really don't believe that we're getting a one-sided story from Gud. To the contrary he has continually taken blame for things which are really not his responsibility. And she's been consistently abusive. Verbally, emotionally. She's not very stable. She's not very nice.

The only place I really disagree with you is that I do think it is valuable for him to have a place to vent away from his marriage. It takes some pressure off. If he were not actively involved in working on his marriage with her - then I could see your point. But he has been.

David's post about Emmet's game, I understtod one word in ten. but I was still on the edge of my seat.

For Gud, I trust him well enough to know he should know that 1) we are on his side and 2) final decsions have nothing and I repeat NOTHING, with anyone else here. Some of us have really strong relationships, others less so. and some of us have had both. marriages, friendships, workstuff, etc, all fall apart at dfifferent rates and in different ways. I trust that anyone here can make that decsion on thier own. the words of Burell, or the words of Hec , may speak truer, because that is what is true for our own situation.

David's post about Emmet's game, I understtod one word in ten. but I was still on the edge of my seat.

It was like bizarro-land opera. Ten year old boys crying on the pitching mound and in the dugout. Heroes become goats, goats become heroes.

Can't sleep. Leg pain. Anyone up?

Punctuation all over the place.

Me, apparently, sj. And Harvey is purring up a storm.