Yes. I do hear the few times she's actually proud of me, and they really make me happy. Problem is it's only a day or two before she complains about something and makes me feel like shit again.

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but he hangs in there.

And saves the world from German Shepards a lot.

My Kittenish has scratched the fur from an ear. I am hoping it comes back but mostly because she's got the softest fur.

It was kind of an interesting experience attempting to be calm and rational with her. And...not having her care very much.

The calm and rational is good. Especially as you can only really control your reactions, not hers. Unfortunately.

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Yes. I do hear the few times she's actually proud of me, and they really make me happy. Problem is it's only a day or two before she complains about something and makes me feel like shit again.

Well, that's something. I should note here that in a healthy relationship, the ratio of compliments to complaints should ideally be at least 5:1 or so. I gather that you're on the receiving end of an imbalance here. I don't know how you can address it, though. Well. I have some ideas, but she's not my mother and I don't have to wear the consequences if it doesn't work out. But I hope things improve.

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I'm reluctant to comment on the status of other people's sanity for reasons I hope are not overly obvious.

NATLBSB, Typo Boy.

P-C, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time of it. Good for you, for going all calm on her in the second conversation. Any time you can detach like that, work it, baby. There are too many control issues swirling around, here. It also reads as though your mom is taking any less-than-perfect-to-your-uncle interaction you have with your uncle's family as a personal afront to her mothering.

There's got to be some sexism inherent in Indian family culture, right? Assuming there is, make it work for you. Maybe you could ask your uncle if, when you have done something displeasing to him or his family, if he could be the one to talk it out with you, and if you could leave 'the women' out of it, and talk 'man-to-man'. Appeal to his inner patriarchal overlord.

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HA!

Caped Crusader Stops Thief

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Jilli and Pete, congratulations on the new kitties! Pete can loom (adorably) to keep them in line. (And Ruthven is pronounced "Rivven" right? from the "Verney the Vampire"?)

P-C, if it's any consolation, when I moved out after college (I was 22) my mother threatened that, if I didn't call home at least once a week, she'd report me as a runaway and have me hauled back. She also held most of my stuff hostage to try to force me to go back. Time passed, I got more mature, she got used to me being away, and the relationship is better now. Your mother sounds even more extreme than mine, but things may improve over time. Meanwhile, come here to vent.

edited when the title came to me

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in a less self indulgent whiny post:

Beth, much ~ma for your friend.

PC, go you with the rational discussion with family peeps.

amych, I am still thinking of your family and Lucy.

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P-C, I agree with a lot of what's been said above. But it's been said, so I won't repeat it.

Observations -- your mother has expressed concern that you'll reject your family. Yet she herself is the biggest threat in that area.

One possible way to phrase your message may be: You're doing your best. But you're human. You make mistakes. Your mother's treatment of you is hurting you deeply.

Another option to consider for after your July 4th trip -- is there anyone else in your family that you can contact separately? For example, does your father (or a sibling) have a separate e-mail address? That might be a way to keep in contact with your family without dealing with your mother.

Later, I engaged in the wonderful therapy that is turning the radio way the hell up and singing your lungs out while driving.

This is good. Personal therapy mechanisms are important.

Maybe you could ask your uncle if, when you have done something displeasing to him or his family, if he could be the one to talk it out with you

I agree with this. Either ju-jitsu the sexist angle, or point out that you (and not your mother) is the one who can correct any problems, or point out that your mother's reaction doesn't help things.

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{{P-C}} I have a sudden urge to call my mother and thank her for not being overly spastic.

Mucho ~ma for beth's friend and his family.

And Nora... packs duffel bag with sunshine, naps, and sticks to poke the BIDs with, ships eastward

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