BTw, yep connie, that's a keeper.

{{{P-C}}}

Also? There's a kilted guy with a mohawk on Trading Spaces tonight.

And yesterday (day before?) "kerfuffle" was a clue in the NY Times crossword puzzles.

t /random

Maybe. I've been wary of the whole counseling thing because I tried it once in college and felt really uncomfortable. And I know I shouldn't swear it off based on one visit with one person, but there's still an aversion. Plus, I'd have to fit into my schedule and budget and everything.

For anyone finding the right person to work with is important, for you its probably critical. There have GOT to be people who specialize in YOUR cultural divide.

And, yeah, not right now. Not with the fam. Get your own job and place and by then you'll have found someone who can help you with perspectivey things.

Personally, I think everyone needs therapy. But maybe I say that cause I did it longer than anybody but Barbra Streisand.

Erika, I agree. Finding the right therapist is always a trick, though.

Personally, I think everyone needs therapy. But maybe I say that cause I did it longer than anybody but Barbra Streisand.

I tend to agree. Of course, I had a very good one.

I just got back from a very nice dinner with Sparky1 and her DH, after which I proved to them that there isn't much to do in Belmont except eat, and then go to elsewhere (San Mateo, in this case) to shop. Was fun.

{{{beth}}}

Thanks for making me cry, WindSparrow. :-P

Sekrit message to P-C (mildly spoilery for S2 of New Who): "Nine, maybe ten years old. I'm seeing pigtails; frilly skirt."

grinning beatifically

Personally, I think everyone needs therapy. But maybe I say that cause I did it longer than anybody but Barbra Streisand.

I've seen about 8 different counselors throughout my life. Only two of them were a really, really good fit for a good deep slog through my messed up psyche. Four of them were ok for a short haul, and two were really, really bad. (A bad fit, as opposed to bad professional counselors)

Oh Sunil, honey, sometimes they (and I'm using this in a broad way) just seem mean. Like, its not only conflicting cultures and expectations, just sorta mean.

JZ ran P-C's story by one of her first generation Indian residents. She listened carefully and nodded her head and said there were some cultural issues in conflict, but that frankly there was also some sheer fucked-upedness coming from P-C's family.

Sorry, P-C, I don't mean to put you into a defensive posture defending your family because certainly that'd be one of my instincts if somebody said that to me. I'm just saying, that from the perspective of somebody who is intimately familiar with the issues you're dealing with - the problem is not your behavior or actions. It's their problem. And the way they're treating you isn't equitable or kind.

"Man, they aren't being Indian; they're being *annoying*!"

Bwah!

See, I kind of want to agree with this, but then I think of my best friend at school (whose sister was happy with the arranged marriage thing, but who herself scandalised the family by running around after white boys, was eventually cut off without a cent, lived in sin (with a white boy), dropped out of Uni to work full time, had a year-long affair with her partner's newly-wed best friend (another white boy) and then ran off with said best friend, but has been happily married to him for maybe 6 years now, and has a beautiful baby daughter - quite the rollercoaster it's been, but I guess it's a kind of happily ever after, except for the whole being-outcast-from-her-family thing) and the entire basis of the comedy in Goodness Gracious Me, and I think that, yes, they are being annoying, but also they're very much being Indian. Inasmuchas the whole control thing, familial expectations, marital expectations etc etc. Hopefully in another generation or two things will be a lot more chilled, but that isn't big with the helpfulness for you right now.

This whole business about you being too quiet is nonsense, though. You're clever and cute and all that, but you are also perfectly personable. You don't have to be a game show host to be attractive, for the love of heaven! (...of course, being British, my expectations about personal bubbles and being reserved may be a wee bit different than theirs...)

Aha! You need to set your sights on a nice British Asian chick! Yes! We have lots of hot, well educated 'good Indian girls*' who will not all be looking for Jerry Springerish levels of bounciness in a boy.

Not that I'm actually trying to lure you over to Wembley/Hounslow/Bradford/Leeds to meet Nice Girls. But it's a possibility! Plus - travel!

(...have you seen Bride and Prejudice? Because it sounds like they want you to be like Mr. Kohli , the ghastly American guy who proposes to the stunning Lalita and ends up marrying her friend instead. Him. It sounds like they want you to be him to win a girl. And really? Not so much with the hotness.)

You could tell your mum you're going for the strong silent routine...but it doesn't sound like she's going to listen, so I'll just shut up with my Helpful Suggestions.

eta

...okay, strike that then. Maybe they are just being annoying.

*I do realise that my schoolfriend Z is not exactly an example of a 'good Indian girl'. But then her father was not a nice man At All; he was physically and mentally abusive, and she needed a way out, and she found one. Props to her.