Oh Sunil, honey, sometimes they (and I'm using this in a broad way) just seem mean. Like, its not only conflicting cultures and expectations, just sorta mean.

There's got to be a shrink or counselor or someone in the Bay Area who's Indian and trained in what's healthy boundaries blah de blah. I'm not saying you're bonkers or NEED therapy or anything of the sort... but maybe it would be nice to find someone who can provide a reality-check that a lot of your friends just aren't equiped to give.

It IS San Francisco after all. Everyone is there. They probably have their own section in the Yellow Pages "CULTURAL EXPECTATION CONSELING SERVICES: Are you Indian? Turkish? Ethnic Chinese Malaysian? Is your family driving you AROUND THE BEND?!?!? We have trained facilitators from many lands..."

There's got to be a shrink or counselor or someone in the Bay Area who's Indian and trained in what's healthy boundaries blah de blah.

That's a good point. Maybe an Indian counselor could tell you "Man, they aren't being Indian; they're being *annoying*!" Would that be a possibility for you?

ION, my weekend to-do list has graduated to being written on a large (16 x 20) sketch pad and propped up on the wine cabinet in full view. That way, if I choose to ignore the list, it can at least glare disapprovingly at me. (Most of it is freelance work, and I drew dollar signs around those entries, to remind me that there's a reason I'm doing them. As for doing the dishes -- ain't nobody paying me for that, so they can wait.)

I think you'd do better spending your money on your own place, than family counselling with an aunt and uncle. And if that means getting a 2nd job or something, that seems (to me) time better spent than counselling with an aunt and uncle. You need to get the heck out of that house as soon as it is do-able, P-C (I mean, in my opinion, you don't need yet another old fogey trying to tell you what to do, I just think you'd feel so relieved to be on your own). You're not going to change them and neither is a counselor.

I know I have self-esteem issues and thus feel weird accepting compliments, but it honestly makes me sad that I am considered awesome. Because...as you say, it doesn't speak so well of the baseline for the general population at large.

Sunil, take a look at the people you consider friends - both online and in meat-space. There are some really great people in your life who like and respect you right back, aren't there? One of the best things my mother taught me is that Water Seeks Its Own Level. We gravitate to people who are like us - witty, intelligent, kind, passionate, hard-working, loving, creative people gather around you because that is what you are. It's not arrogant or prideful to recognize quality in your friends, and it is not arrogant or prideful to recognize it in yourself. It may take a leap of faith to believe that these amazing people who call you friend are not just being charitable in allowing you to hang around with them but like you for you(r quality).

I agree that you need to get out of there, Sunil, but I think counseling is a good idea. Not for the family--just for you. It's amazing how helpful it can be to hear a stranger who has no investment in Being Your Friend and Saying Nice Things tell you that you're right and they're wrong. At least, it is for me.

There are some really great people in your life who like and respect you right back, aren't there? One of the best things my mother taught me is that Water Seeks Its Own Level. We gravitate to people who are like us - witty, intelligent, kind, passionate, hard-working, loving, creative people gather around you because that is what you are.

This is beautiful. True, too.

cough hack snort spit cought

this post brought to you by thick that seemed almost gone this morning and is now worse than it ever was.

Maybe an Indian counselor could tell you "Man, they aren't being Indian; they're being *annoying*!" Would that be a possibility for you?

Maybe. I've been wary of the whole counseling thing because I tried it once in college and felt really uncomfortable. And I know I shouldn't swear it off based on one visit with one person, but there's still an aversion. Plus, I'd have to fit into my schedule and budget and everything.

Here are today's choice tidbits from my mom, quoted as accurately as possible:

On the Question That Need Never Speak Its Name Because It Is Always Silently Asked During Every Conversation:

"I want to find a good girl for you, so I have to prove that you're a good boy."

(And then she went into this whole extended medicine metaphor about how being allergic to a really great medicine was just like being really smart but having no social skills.)

"If you're really smart, but everyone says that you don't talk to anyone or you're quiet all the time or nobody likes you, what good are you?"

"I'm not telling you to find someone; I would prefer to find someone myself so I can be sure she's good. I love you, remember that. [List of family members] all love you. Arranged marriages work better than love marriages. Ninety percent of the time."

To balance it out, she said she was very proud of me for something I did yesterday. Shocked, in fact. I had no damn clue what she was talking about. Oh, right, I'd called my dad to wish him a happy birthday, which he didn't seem to really care about (he thanked me and then moved on to the "When are we booking your ticket to come visit July 4 weekend?"), which didn't surprise me because he doesn't really expect much from that sort of thing. My mom was surprised that I hadn't called him at home; I'd called him at work. She didn't even know I had his work number, which she'd given me months ago at some point. But it made her really happy that I'd remembered his birthday. I told her it was the same day every year and hard to forget.

The adults are out at a wedding, so I'm going to finally watch the latest Green Wing and then take the kids out for dinner. That'll score me some points.

ETA: Thanks for making me cry, WindSparrow. :-P

BTw, yep connie, that's a keeper.

{{{P-C}}}

Also? There's a kilted guy with a mohawk on Trading Spaces tonight.

And yesterday (day before?) "kerfuffle" was a clue in the NY Times crossword puzzles.

t /random

Maybe. I've been wary of the whole counseling thing because I tried it once in college and felt really uncomfortable. And I know I shouldn't swear it off based on one visit with one person, but there's still an aversion. Plus, I'd have to fit into my schedule and budget and everything.

For anyone finding the right person to work with is important, for you its probably critical. There have GOT to be people who specialize in YOUR cultural divide.

And, yeah, not right now. Not with the fam. Get your own job and place and by then you'll have found someone who can help you with perspectivey things.