This is my mother. And if he won't leave her, then she's never going to change.
I guess my point was that, in my particular history, what seemed like unreasonable and bitchy behavior - well, it was bitchy, but not actually unreasonable.
I'm trying to think of an example that won't require mounds of backstory. But it's simple stuff, like refusing to ever give a straight answer to requests. I.e., "could you pick up the dry cleaning on the way home?" gets you "yeah, I can probably do that." Nothing, right? Except - totally unhelpful. If you can't, say so. If you can, say so. Either would be fine. This way, I have no idea if you'll do it or if I need to make other arrangements.
I'm not talking about a situation in which there might be actual logistical uncertainties so that you couldn't say for sure whether you'd make it before they close. This is not wanting to commit in advance of knowing - I don't know, whether you'll feel like it. It's a control thing at heart. And say it's not something usually insignificant like drycleaning, says it's picking up the kids, or meeting the train, or stopping to get a prescription; maybe it's about whether the kids can have the car on Saturday or if rides will need to be arranged.
Then you multiply that kind of behavior over many years, and suddenly someone's flipping their lid over a silly question - "are you going to be home on time on Tuesday?" or something, and to all appearances it's the person bitching and moaning who's the unreasonable one, not the poor man who only said "well, I'll try."
All of this is way to long a way of saying, uncomfortable as it is, it's hard to know who's actually doing the provoking and sniping when a relationship is showing its ugly side. And that's really just a general statement, since obviously I know nothing about Raq's friends or Jars' mom or any other specific cases. I'm just using my own history as a example, not meaning to imply any universality.