Poor Nora. I have the Ick and I can barely manage eating and drinking. I'm so sorry you have to deal with more bad things.

Why am I even typing? Nothing I type makes any sense.

So, one of my brothers is proposing to get a tattoo (this is the one with the nipple piercings), and he wants me to fund it. I do actually owe him money for a State of Origin ticket, but I still reckon this means I get to choose the tat.

Anyway, we just had the following email exchange:

Me: I had a workplace behaviour training session last week, about sexual harassment (for fun and profit). Main thing I took away from it was that it beggars belief that you haven't been sued yet.
Kez: Not only does it "beggars belief", but it also "buggers beef".
Me: You should work that into your next training session. "Ok, this next section is interactive. Any volunteers?"
Kez: Like "American Pie" in a parallel universe. But rather than "American Pie", the movie might be known as "Angus Beef".
Me: During the Napoleonic Wars, a French warship sank off England, and its sole survivor was a monkey, which washed up at Hartleford. The villagers hanged it; the article notes that it's unclear whether they knew it was a monkey, or were just unclear about the nature of Frenchmen. Anyway, the hartleford Football Club now has as its mascot a monkey called H'Angus. (One person to don the monkey suit managed to get himself into trouble for lewd acts during matches, and subsequently was elected mayor of Hartleford. And now you have your tattoo, and quite possibly role model.)
Kez: And what a lovely story it'll have behind it too.
"Tell me, why did you get a tattoo of a monkey sodomising a slab of beef?"
"Well, I'm glad you asked. There's a story behind it about football, frenchmen, the noose, mayors and perverted monkeys".

Everybody knows I suck, right?

Everybody knows I suck, right?

Not me.

You sure about that, JZ?

Quite sure. I spent the entire weekend neck-deep in F2Fness, and I would have noticed suckage on Teppy's part, or, indeed, on the part of any of the Buffistas.

Though it's true that I left the Prom early and never saw the Verandah of Debauchery, so there may have been occurrences of suckage that I wasn't aware of.

Teppy *so* doesn't suck.

Except, you know, in the good on-my-tongue way.

Teppy most certainly does not suck.

And Teppy, dear, thank you so much for the kind words re. my photo. The body image demons staged an assault today, so your compliment was very, very well timed.

Umm.. there's a chance that Teppy wasn't really here.

Umm.. there's a chance that Teppy wasn't really here.

In which case, clearly someone else sucks.