I'm about to put all the listings online for the auction for my mom's chorus.

I am a giant ball of stress.

{{{Ailleann}}} Give yourself time... it takes a while to sink in, something so awful, of that magnitude. {{{hugs again}}}

Emily, I'd offer to be a reference, but it looks like JZ has it nailed.

Oh Ailleann, I'm so sorry. How horrible.

Now I would like JZ to be my reference.

A friend of mine is part of a talk-show/panel show on BET Jazz. I have started taping it and while it is really good, he has not been on it yet. poop.

ION, I am exhausted and I think I am going to bed. I have 16 pages left in a book and I need to finish that. posthaste.

Jesse is a swanktastic urban cowgirl and cat wrangler. Since I have known her, she has had several excellent jobs working for companies doing important and meaningful work. Sadly, they failed to notice her shiny hair and shiny brains and put her in dreary positions for which she was overqualified, forcing her to go out and get a graduate degree.

By contrast, since Jesse has known me, I have succeeded in giving away my own cats, widening my ass, and obtaining no graduate degrees at all. I am humbled and honored that Jesse even lets me speak to her. I dare not hug her. You dare not either, unless you are Isaac Mizrahi, and even then Jesse may roll her eyes forever at you on national TV. You've been warned, and now you have only yourself to blame.

He did, however, give her a nice suit and a perfectly spiffing pair of new shoes, so that ensemble together with her shiny degree, shiny brains and shiny hair, clearly make her the ideal employee for your enterprise. Or more probably executive money-related managerial big ideas boss lady.

In closing, Jesse has the coolest glasses in New York, and also probably the most adorable parents on the planet. She is also probably taller than you.

Should you need further information or a picture of Jesse in a cowboy hat, please don't hesitate to contact me. Should you wish to lose an arm, please don't hesitate to hug Jesse, or possibly call her your little snoodle.

Yours,

I Saved Jesse On My TiVo

Woo hoo! Copying, pasting, and saving forever. Thanks, JZ! PS: Of course you can hug me, and wasn't getting rid of the cats in the service of True Love? (The ass embiggening, too, I'd imagine....) So there's that.

JZ - sweet and funny.

ION,

From beneath us it devours....

Remember the guy who was killed when a sinkhole opened up in his living room? Well....

HUNTINGTON, N.Y. - A 71-year-old man who went outside in the rain to pick up the Sunday newspaper plunged into a cesspool in his front yard, and his son and neighbor were sucked in when they tried to help.

The victims escaped, two with the help of firefighters, covered in raw sewage but not badly hurt.

Andrew Palladino said the soggy ground, soaked by two days of rain, gave way outside his Long Island home: "I walked across the lawn, and all of a sudden I disappeared."

...

In 2001, a man practicing archery in the back yard with his two children died when his cesspool caved in and consumed him. And in 1998, a Huntington Station man was rescued after he fell 65 feet into one.

[link]

Falling into a cesspool? I didn't die, but I wanted to.

Hmm. When I lived not 10 miles from Huntington, NY, our cesspool caved in too. Danger! Danger!

"I walked across the lawn, and all of a sudden I disappeared."

Not something you hear in first person very often.