Cass, this is so sad. In your shoes, I would look for a way to communicate to the niecelet that no matter what happens over the intervening time, "I love you no matter what, and the day you turn 18, you have a place on my couch." Send a telegram or something with a signature-required postal-return card to it.
If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.
Spike ,'Same Time, Same Place'
Spike's Bitches 29: That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
WindSparrow - Apr 17, 2006 5:51:57 pm PDT #9762 of 10001
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Trudy Booth - Apr 17, 2006 5:58:50 pm PDT #9763 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
Darling darling Cass.
I am so sorry. This is heartbreaking.
Your brother is being bananas and even HE knows it. He is utterly spinning out of control.
Laura - Apr 17, 2006 6:10:22 pm PDT #9764 of 10001
Our wings are not tired.
One last thought before I go to sleep. Would it be possible to write a note to the niecelet with an outside return address of an "approved" person? Nothing outragious and trouble making for her if caught, but just reassuring that you are always there for her. Or if all her stuff is opened perhaps just postcards of something silly that will mean nothing to the overlords, but will make her smile.
Much endurance~ma to both of you for the time it takes for either someone to come to their senses or for the big 18 to finally arrive.
Cass - Apr 17, 2006 6:20:21 pm PDT #9765 of 10001
Bob's learned to live with tragedy, but he knows that this tragedy is one that won't ever leave him or get better.
I would look for a way to communicate to the niecelet that no matter what happens over the intervening time, "I love you no matter what, and the day you turn 18, you have a place on my couch." Send a telegram or something with a signature-required postal-return card to it.I was thinking of doing something signature required. I don't know if the school will let it in. Having the postal return would let me know if it worked though. Thank you, Andi. (Do you mind being called Andi on the board or would you prefer boardnames on the board? I just realized I don't know.)
I am so sorry. This is heartbreaking.It is. And, the only thing I will say in his defense at all, is that he is her parent and she's still a minor so he can make the rules. Not that I should have lied to her. I just do realize that, if the rest of this weren't so absolutely horrible...
How is it that I can possibly feel worse than I did yesterday after talking with the neicelet and realizing how bad things really were?
Would it be possible to write a note to the niecelet with an outside return address of an "approved" person? Nothing outragious and trouble making for her if caught, but just reassuring that you are always there for her.Excellent idea. I could use my sister's maybe... Just sign it RealName since they are the same. I just feel like I have to at least find a way to let her know that if she's not hearing from me, it's not my choice and I love and miss her. And I can find unincriminating ways to do that.
Trudy Booth - Apr 17, 2006 6:22:48 pm PDT #9766 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
Worst Case Scenario: Your folks will deliver a message for you that you are waiting patiently for her to turn eighteen and you love her with all your heart and you will do anything and are making Xs on a calendar with a big red marker.
Cass - Apr 17, 2006 6:29:57 pm PDT #9767 of 10001
Bob's learned to live with tragedy, but he knows that this tragedy is one that won't ever leave him or get better.
Your folks will deliver a message for youThey are going to side on parental rights on this one unless I do the Telling Big Secrets* thing. And if I do that, they'll be so furious in every direction that it won't matter.
But stepmom is visiting her in a month. Maybe I can convince her by then to take a postcard or unsealed envelope.
- And I am not being all noble and shit by shutting up and not causing a nuclear meltdown. If it would only hurt my brother and sister in law, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's ugly in and of itself to say that but it is only the collateral damage that is keeping me from calling or writing tonight.
Lee - Apr 17, 2006 6:45:23 pm PDT #9768 of 10001
The feeling you get when your brain finally lets your heart get in its pants.
What women are there on the board besides me that have large feet? I have a pair of dark red suede Delman flats, with a pretty swirly design on them, that are size 10. They don't fit my feet well, but they have very little wear, and I would love to find them a good home.
(cross posted with Natter)
Trudy Booth - Apr 17, 2006 6:50:08 pm PDT #9769 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
She knows you love her. Even if your parents don't feel they can mention such a TABOO THING.
There is not a ticked off teenage girl alive who doesn't fantisize about going to be with her "Aunt Jen" if she is lucky enough to have one.
WindSparrow - Apr 17, 2006 6:50:49 pm PDT #9770 of 10001
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Cass, you can call me Andi, or you can call me Windy, or you can call me BreezyBird, or you can call me... well anyway, call me whatever you like, just don't call me late for supper.
Perkins, my dear small-footed friend... you make me feel like Cinderella's step-sister. Ah well, you know what they say: They build better foundations under mansions than they do under outhouses.
DavidS - Apr 17, 2006 6:55:18 pm PDT #9771 of 10001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
Cass, I'm sympathetic with your situation but if you try to go around your brother to contact your niece, you're just going to piss him off more. (And it'll come out eventually. This kind of drama works its way to the surface and even the brightest teens are terrible at covering their tracks.) Not that I agree with him, but he obviously feels like it's his parental prerogative to mediate his daughter's relationships with other adults. (This is not an unusual parental perspective either.)
If he feels like you're undermining his authority or relationship to his daughter, and you make an end-run to contact her, he's just going to shut contact down with her even harder.
And having a nuclear bomb in your back pocket is not something you want to use as leverage. That just makes you more dangerous, less trustworthy and more unreliable from his perspective.
I can see that you're furious at him, but you won't be doing her any favors by having him cut you out, or even force her to take sides between people she loves. That's the most damaging thing to do to kids when parents are undergoing a separation, and some of that dynamic is in play here.
I'm not saying you're not right. I'm saying that pressing forward righteously now would have long term negative repercussions in ways you can't even imagine now.
It's almost always better in these situations (by which I mean a child is being tugged between family members) to back off and defuse.
I've seen some nuclear bombs dropped on families, and even when the person who dropped the bomb was in the right and not responsibile for the original offense, that person becomes Unforgiveable. Emotionally it can become untenable for a young person to maintain a relationship with the whistle-blower and the person (usually a parent) who is originally at fault.