Cass, I'm sympathetic with your situation but if you try to go around your brother to contact your niece, you're just going to piss him off more. (And it'll come out eventually. This kind of drama works its way to the surface and even the brightest teens are terrible at covering their tracks.) Not that I agree with him, but he obviously feels like it's his parental prerogative to mediate his daughter's relationships with other adults. (This is not an unusual parental perspective either.)
If he feels like you're undermining his authority or relationship to his daughter, and you make an end-run to contact her, he's just going to shut contact down with her even harder.
And having a nuclear bomb in your back pocket is not something you want to use as leverage. That just makes you more dangerous, less trustworthy and more unreliable from his perspective.
I can see that you're furious at him, but you won't be doing her any favors by having him cut you out, or even force her to take sides between people she loves. That's the most damaging thing to do to kids when parents are undergoing a separation, and some of that dynamic is in play here.
I'm not saying you're not right. I'm saying that pressing forward righteously now would have long term negative repercussions in ways you can't even imagine now.
It's almost always better in these situations (by which I mean a child is being tugged between family members) to back off and defuse.
I've seen some nuclear bombs dropped on families, and even when the person who dropped the bomb was in the right and not responsibile for the original offense, that person becomes Unforgiveable. Emotionally it can become untenable for a young person to maintain a relationship with the whistle-blower and the person (usually a parent) who is originally at fault.
Well, its either that or hire a sky-writer.
Perkins, my dear small-footed friend... you make me feel like Cinderella's step-sister. Ah well, you know what they say: They build better foundations under mansions than they do under outhouses.
Well, I did say the 10s didn't fit...
What women are there on the board besides me that have large feet? I have a pair of dark red suede Delman flats, with a pretty swirly design on them, that are size 10.
I laugh at your "large" feet. 11 wide, baby! :)
Well, I did say the 10s didn't fit...
or you can call me Windy, or you can call me BreezyBird
Seriously? You had to lead me to a Jodie Foster as Nell place? Wind in the treeeeeeeeeeeeeee. My brain is laughing at me now.
Not that I agree with him, but he obviously feels like it's his parental prerogative to mediate his daughter's relationships with other adults. (This is not an unusual parental perspective either.)
True. I admited that earlier.
If he feels like you're undermining his authority or relationship to his daughter, and you make an end-run to contact her, he's just going to shut contact down with her even harder.
All he can take away is my letters getting to her. And I suspect he already did that. There is literally nothing else. Unless he doesn't let her come to Christmas if I am there. Not that I am justifying my wanting to let her know that I still love and care for her, but there likely isn't a thing to lose in the way of having any contact with her.
I'm not saying you're not right. I'm saying that pressing forward righteously now would have long term negative repercussions in ways you can't even imagine now.
Thus my phone is disassembled and hidden away. Because, yes, the aftershocks would honestly destroy my family and I may hate him and the SiL right now, but I don't want to put things out in the open that can never be taken back. I know what would happen and have backed off precisely because of it.
And you are right about a lot of that, David. I totally admit, and already admitted, a lot of that. He's a lying hypocrit but he's also her parent and she's not 18 yet. But I think they are damaging the neicelet in ways that are going to be nearly impossible to fix.
I am just hurt and furious and broken because I really wanted to believe that she was doing okay. And she's not. And they don't seem to hear her or want to. It is easier for them to blame anyone else (before yesterday, not me until today.)
You have valid points, I just don't want to get into a heated discussion when I know I am upset and overly sensitive.
Well, its either that or hire a sky-writer.
That wouldn't be too dramatic?
That wouldn't be too dramatic?
Not if done artfully.
Of course, you'll have to wait until winter -- damn leaves are everywhere now.
And you are right about a lot of that, David. I totally admit, and already admitted, a lot of that.
Well, I'm not trying to win an argument or even disagree with you. I think you're self-aware, and I'm just validating the batteries-out-of-phone option for the moment.
I am just hurt and furious and broken because I really wanted to believe that she was doing okay.
I can see how much it's tearing you up. I know it feels terrible.
You have valid points, I just don't want to get into a heated discussion when I know I am upset and overly sensitive.
I'm sorry. I don't want to add any heat to this discussion or stress to your situation. My only concern really is about your relationship with your niece and suggesting that forebearance now could be the best way to preserve it over the long haul. Nothing more than that. I don't care about you "seeing it his way" except in the strategic sense of knowing how much leverage you have.
I have nothing to say except (((((Cass))))). I'm sorry sweetie.
ND and I are in Paris. Ah, slot machines in April... Wait, something not right there.
