(Like me, and yes, my makeup has SPF 15, so I'm keeping MY nose.)

Because EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A FUCKING NOSE.

My aunt, who is not a doctor, replied to me, and I swear I'm not making this up, "Oh, no -- he had the squamous-cell carcinoma. That's the kind that develops roots, almost like tendrils, that would go up into his brain and blind him and cause a painful death!"

But not the brain tendrils. Only selected people should have those. I've made a list. Wait, I got the impression it was a melanoma. It was squamous cell? That's totally bogus. I mean, it's cancer, but really.

Bec, BTW, has had both a melanoma and a squamous cell carcinoma.

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Stepmom sent me home. This will be the first night that I have been home in six nights. I've been back for a few hours at a time to take care of the kittens and such, but I haven't seen the night through here in a while.

I have been hazily wandering around doing laundry, lighting some candles, taking the trash out and drawing a bath for a while now. The bath is calling me now.

And then it's a little more catch-up online and hopefully a lot of sleep that goes deeper than the kind I can get while constantly listening for a change in breathing.

I'll go back up there tomorrow to take the night shift back over. I'm even already packed. Nervous energy. I have clothes, books, notecards, dvds and a pill crusher for her Ativan.

Grandma is ... sleeping. Constantly. She gets very aggitated and is in a lot of pain when she is moved. I'm hoping that we are almost at the end. I've tried to make her room (taken over temporarily from the neicelet) comfortable and soothing. And tell her that it's okay for her to let go now.

all kinds of peace~ma for you and your grandmother.

Thank you, AmyLiz. I honestly believe in this so I am so grateful knowing that others are hopefully helping her be ready to move on as well.

Our Maidengurl needs iron~ma? There's an amusing joke to be made here.

((vw)) I am thinking of you. I haven't been online at a timely time to really respond but you are in my thoughts.

This is the area I where I think DH should just step back and let them figure it out. But as neither one of us has ever been in this situation, we don't have any ideas. ( The agency has been good at finding places DH fits, but not good at finding places that fit DH) ( and it looks like they have exaggerated or lied to him.) ( and I am not so sure they are doing business in a bussness like manner)

I have no advice. But a great willingness to kick things if you would like.

And, for the record, I'm not freaked out or upset -- I don't need bracket-hugs or vibes (though, okay, healing vibes for *Grandpa* would be welcomed) -- this is par for the course with my family. I'm concerned, obviously, but not freaked out.

I'll vibe new nose~ma for Grandpa since it's fait acompli. For you, Tep, I am just wishing this seemed less possible.

I seriously don't understand what in the hell some of the medical community thinks it is going to help when they are overly aggressive. It just, from what I have seen over the years, causing more pain and suffering and stress. I am sorry that you have this to deal with.

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Oh, Cass. I'm glad you get to sleep in your own bed tonight. This is so difficult, but what you're doing for your grandmother is--well, at this point it's the best you can do for her. It's all you can do for her. And some people are literally not able to bring themselves to do even this for their loved ones. But it is so, so hard to do.

Tep, honey, I literally have no words. I have giggles, guilty ones, but giggles, and even through the giggles the indignant spluttering comes. What fools. Poor Grandpa.

Beth, I'm so sorry the fates are conspiring to keep your DH from a job where he's valued and treated well. Or at least better than he's treated at present. Continued vibeage for employment worthy of his time and talents.

Sending all the anti-illness~ma to those still suffering. It is actually true--it wasn't something I'd dreamed--that I can climb a flight of stairs without a rest halfway up, and without gasping for air. It's been weeks since I was able to do that. I like it! I wish all of you the same ability, and soon. Ick, begone!

ETA--Katie! I'm glad your errands took you by the bead store. The mere accomplishing of errands deserves a reward. And I can easily picture you pottering in your lovely yard. I want a picture of your salvaged birdbath. It sounds magical!

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I'm glad you get to sleep in your own bed tonight.

I am grateful to be home but still puttering around -- dragging the trash and recycling to the curb, watering plants that might have signed a DNR, petting kitties as they appear, taking an hours long bath and doing laundry. Things I can only (or best) do here, but I really need to sleep soon. I am just content enough to be doing home!things right now that I am also doing not!sleep things.

This is so difficult, but what you're doing for your grandmother is--well, at this point it's the best you can do for her. It's all you can do for her.

It really is both everything, and all, I can do for her.

Being able to sit with my grandma and just talk to her is comforting though, even (or, sadly, especially) as I am telling her that she can let go now.

Also knowing that, while I am watching her through the night, others can sleep makes me feel like I am helping. I have this freakishly early morning family so being able to let them get some sleep while I sit through the night is good. Which I will do again tomorrow night.

--
I stopped by the WBxB's on my way home to pick up my iPod (I was transferring music to his PC last time I was there and it took too long so I left the iPod there). He was sweet, as always, and I cried against his shoulder for a little bit before heading home. Then, when I got in the bath and grabbed my iPod, I discovered a new playlist. It's fun and sweet and a very nice surprise.

I might not have been able to figure out how to have forever with them, but a select few of my exes are just completely wonderful to me. And I will continue to cherish that.

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Brain tendrils? WTF? Steph, I'm sorry about your grandfather's health situation, and also that you have to deal with Caretaker!Aunt. Good luck with all of it.

And thanks for the link to the ovarian cancer article in Beep Me, Betsy! Mom was treated for it last summer, but seems to be in remission. But that's an "at the moment" sort of thing, unfortunately, so I'll print this out for her in case it becomes an issue again.

{{{Cass}}}

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Calli, I've been wondering if I should send it to my s-i-l. I think I'm going to send it to one of her sisters, and let the sister decide. My s-i-l's ovarian cancer was a weird kind, I guess. It was stage 3B, but as far as I heard, it was a free floating mass in her abdomen, and wasn't attached to anything at all. She's since had a hysterectomy and treatments, and is also in remission, but she had a heck of a year in addition to that, with her husband suffering some freak paralysis, due to a back problem. He's still rehabilitating, and I know she is tired of talking about their illnesses.

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I have this freakishly early morning family so being able to let them get some sleep while I sit through the night is good.

I've always pulled the night shift in this situation. There is a certain peaceful feeling to sitting with the loved one while the world sleeps. The ill person doesn't have any real concept of the hour. You remain in my thoughts and prayers Cass. Stength and peace to you and yours.

Sorry you have to use your awesome powers of biting tongue Teppy. I hope the decisions made for your grandfather's care result in the least discomfort for him.

I skipped bunches because I have to work for a living...

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Our Maidengurl needs iron~ma? There's an amusing joke to be made here.

Cass - thanks for the giggle. I needed that this morning. Last night was a rough one.

Letting go~ma to your Grandma.

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Then, when I got in the bath and grabbed my iPod, I discovered a new playlist. It's fun and sweet and a very nice surprise

Wow. That's just beautiful. And he didn't even have to have a quicky with a chaise lounge to do it.

Hang in there, Steph, don't kill anyone.

Didn't we have some sort of "No cancer in '06" vote? I thought that passed?

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Well, you know Bureau. Some of the people are still upset we didn't call it "Cancer: GET OUT, GET OUT GET OUT!!"

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