In 2005, Ellie was born and Joe came home. Both were huge for me and I can't say thank you enough to all the people (both in person, in prayer and online) who helped me and supported me through all that.
Ellie is such a complete joy. Yes, she takes a lot of energy and I worry a lot, but I enjoy her so much. Very occasionally, I resent the never-endingness of motherhood, but mostly I love it. I can't even begin to explain how much I love her. Words fail.
At the same time, 2005 has been such a difficult year. I spent the first half of the year pregnant and alone. I spent the last third of the year trying to adjust to life with a husband home from a war and a new baby. There are things Joe and I need to work on. We spent an entire year learning to survive and be okay being apart. Now we are trying to reverse the process and learn to depend on each other. It's harder than I would have thought. Still, I know he loves me and is committed to us. I know he loves Ellie. In fact, watching him fall in love with her since he came home has been one of the most special things I have ever seen. She loves her daddy. He may be a complete failure at diaper changing but I don't worry anymore how he feels about her. And that's okay with me (about the diapers). I thought I would mind that I do the vast majority of the babywork but the truth is that Joe works 12+ hours a day. He does a lot too. I think we have a good balance. It's not perfect but life never is.
My hope for 2006 is that Joe and I will have more opportunities to spend time together. I used to worry a lot that the war and accompanying separation had drawn us too far apart. I think now that most of what has gone on is pretty normal, new baby stuff. Normal is reassuring to me.
I'm hoping to find a job in Puerto Rico in 2006 - something that is fun, challenging, allows me to use all this legal knowledge in my brain, and pays enough to cover childcare and student loans. I'm excited we will be moving, although I will miss the friends I have made in NC.
eta: Oh, and I passed the bar exam in 2005!
2005 was a year of positive change for me, although I don't know that I have used that change in the best ways possible yet.
In June I moved to a new apartment, got a cat, and (most wonderfully) got a new, non-soul-sucking job!
I think it has taken, however, most of 2005 to get over the last-soul-sucking job, or rather the evil soul-sucking woman who was my boss. I am also in a financial hole that I can't really see my way out of without drastically cutting my spending,and shopping is one of my most favorite activities!
But I like my new job-- it is just the right blend of needing to work hard and not really needing to care-- so I can concentrate on theatre. And I love the kitty and the apartment.
So I hope 2006 is great to all Buffistas, and that life continues to go well for me!
Merry Christmas!
Thanks so much to Laura for the chalk-outline beach towel.
We had a big laugh.
Mom said "Somebody who knows you well?"
In fact, watching him fall in love with her since he came home has been one of the most special things I have ever seen.
That's wonderful to hear. I'm glad it happened.
Yay! I have to say I thought of you instantly when I saw a towel with a victim chalk outline. Who wouldn't?
Fuck.
Just got off the phone with the post office. The driver insists that he tried to deliver the package, except I know he didn't because I WAS HERE. I even made DH stay here while I went to the gym so we wouldn't miss the mail. So unless by "tried to deliver" he means "drove past your apartment building and decided not to bother ringing the bell," he did no sucj thing. I'd rather hear "I'm sorry we missed you, you can pick it up on Tuesday" than a fucking bold-faced lie. My Christmas cheer just flew right out the fucking window.
So, Buffista Secret Santa, I wish I could have gotten your gift by Christmas. Luckily, Hannukah lasts 8 days, so Tuesday will be just as holiday-appropriate. If the post office hasn't lost it altogether.
Received a gorgeous bookmark from the equally gorgeous Deena! I just wish my books were more worthy of such lovely decorations.
So unless by "tried to deliver" he means "drove past your apartment building and decided not to bother ringing the bell," he did no sucj thing.
This could very well be--a friend of mine was staying home all day, waiting for the mail to come (she was expecting a package with a christmas present for her gf in it). She sat in her apartment, and waited and waited, and then looked out the window and saw the mailman down the street. And went to her mailboxes (she's on the first floor, it's not like it would've been HARD) and saw a "No one was home, come get your package at teh post office" slip. She was PISSED. Luckily, she was able to run down to the truck and be like "Bitch, you didn't even TRY, give me my damn package". But still.
I got a gorgeous, gorgeous bookmark from Deena, as well. Woot! Thank you, love. Now the trick is going to be able to convince the damned cats to stay away from it, especially the babycats.
