But in the scenario about which I'm curious, it's not that things aren't working. It's that things are working better with someone else.

Oh, sorry, I misunderstood.

Like you, I don't know anything about that.

Also, from reading your posts, it's getting clear to me how "framed" dating (and especially blind-dating) in my social circle is. It's considered extremely rude to not call and clear up "where we're standing", either way, after even the one (blind) date.

Maybe, if it looks like a love thing, "I've met someone else," would be appropriate, as long as you are not insensitive enough to rhapsodize about their virtues.(Which someone did to me once...that stung a bit, even though I wasn't all invested.)

Thank you for going out with me. Although you are very qualified for the position(s), I've decided to go with someone else. I'll keep your resume on file.

Totally this! "We received many more worthy applications than we were able to fund. This should not reflect badly on the quality of your proposal."

It's considered extremely rude to not call and clear up "where we're standing", either way, after even the one (blind) date.

I've got to say, I would prefer that. Just never hearing gets old.

Well, you'd be interested in other people--hell, I'm VERY interested in Clive Owen, but not gonna date him. However, I think if you want to stop seeing this person in favor of the other person, it clearly isn't working.

I googled the Steve Martin quote and found this:

I broke up with my girlfriend. I don't know exactly when though. Maybe you recall Steve Martin's swingin' Czech character, when he discusses the break-up ritual in his country... "you say 'I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee,' and then you throw dog poop on her shoes." That's proactive. With my girlfriend, it seems we've broken up by default.

We haven't seen each other in over a month, neither of us has tried to contact the other by phone or e-mail for about three and change weeks now, and honestly I'm not bothered by it.

Well, that's sort of untrue. I am bothered by it in the sense that it hasn't been finalized, but by now calling her seems like a formality. "Hello, this is your courtesy break-up call." So, though I haven't officially been released from my going-steady contract, it does seem to be null and void. That's why I have secured the services of Frannie Rabinowitz, one of the top boyfriend agents in the country.

[link]

I guess I qualify for tooldom then, because if I like someone and am not given a specific reason to go away (mind you, "I'm not interested in going out anymore" is a perfectly acceptable reason), I'll keep asking him out.

How many times do you ask them out after they say no to the specific date?

but I wouldn't be having sex with more than one person at a time.

this

The drift away solution seems mean to me

really? in all cases? After a date or two I figure neither person has much invested.

Matt, I certainly did not mean to call you a tool. I am too free with my name calling. sorry.

How many times do you ask them out after they say no to the specific date?

I think it's currently three and counting, though spread out over a period of weeks.

And wouldn't you rather hear even a bullshit line than that you're boring or something?

The thing is, at least for me, in some cases it's the truth. I don't think I've ever managed to explain it properly in words (and considering the amount of times my mom asked me what I mean by that, I've tried to phrase this quite a lot).

"I'm not interested in going out anymore" is a perfectly acceptable reason

Then totally not a tool. You respect the other person's position, even if that's all the reason you ask for.

Just never hearing gets old.

Yup. This way, at least you know (or have the other side know and prevent the not-hearing from them).