And wouldn't you rather hear even a bullshit line than that you're boring or something?

The thing is, at least for me, in some cases it's the truth. I don't think I've ever managed to explain it properly in words (and considering the amount of times my mom asked me what I mean by that, I've tried to phrase this quite a lot).

"I'm not interested in going out anymore" is a perfectly acceptable reason

Then totally not a tool. You respect the other person's position, even if that's all the reason you ask for.

Just never hearing gets old.

Yup. This way, at least you know (or have the other side know and prevent the not-hearing from them).

Really, I think msbelle and Matt are talking about two different things. If a person tries again after one, "No thanks, I'm busy," to me that does not equal tool. If they keep calling and calling (and calling) then they can veer into tooldom. I had one of those in college.

If a person tries again after one, "No thanks, I'm busy," to me that does not equal tool.

me either.

I am perhaps not a great person to speak on the subject as I can't be bothered to care about meeting someone much less dating.

The last time I dated two people at a time, I ended up marrying the second guy.

I was dating Guy A. We were seeing each other exclusively. We were fairly involved. He got really distant. I knew he'd had a hard break up with a long term girlfriend, shortly before we met. We decided to not see each other exclusively any longer. I told him that if he was considering getting back with his ex, I well understood and that would be that. Oh no, he insisted.

I met dh at an office Christmas party. We worked for a huge place though, so he wasn't anyone I'd ever even seen at work, before. We went on a few dates and had a lot of fun. He asked me out for New Year's Eve.

My best friend was dating (and has long since married) first boy's friend. They were inviting me to a party that first boy was sure to be at. Best friend was really giving me a hard time about not going. She thought I should. Yada yada. My much older, male, Vulcan cousin came over during some of the angst (there may have been tears) and said, "Go out with the one who isn't making you cry." It was like someone turned on the lights.

It's considered extremely rude to not call and clear up "where we're standing", either way, after even the one (blind) date.

I feel that way too, for the most part (I think you can get away with not calling if you've only ever had one date). I don't know where I got my values, though, since the American Way seems to be to not call and slink away. If politely asked, then the American Way is to lie. I've had guys even volunteer (not in response to any pressure from me but to actually volunteer) "I'm busy til I get out of this conference but I want to do something with you after I return". But then they don't call and when you shoot thema note weeks later, they don't reply. Turns out they were too cowardly to just say "I'd rather not go on another date and I'm not interested in being friends either."

I've solved this whole dating problem by not dating. I imagine this doesn't work as well for people who are less misanthropic.

However, I think if you want to stop seeing this person in favor of the other person, it clearly isn't working.

I disagree, but it may just be semantics. I think "We have fun and I like you a lot but I've fallen in love with someone else" isn't "not working," just bad timing. Not every relationship has to be exclusive and long-term to "work."

Reject others before they reject you!!! is my motto.

OK, not really.

I'd like a guy to not tell me he's busy. I'd like him to tell me he has a girlfriend, or that he doesn't want to see me anymore anyway. I don't like being lied to.

Robin, I'm thinking of a scenario where you like two guys, and would definitely give guy B a shot relationship wise, but guy A has a certain elan that means you (regretfully, but also not) pick him to have a go with instead.

You and guy B might have had a long and rewarding relationship together, if A hadn't been around at this pre-commitment stage. That doesn't count as "not working" in my book. Not that that'd be any consolation to B.

I can't be bothered to care about meeting someone much less dating.

Less than I can be bothered to care? Seems statistically unlikely.

we can have a not care off. You think about this stuff, me, not so much anymore. You are interested in flirting, me, not so much.