Well, you'd be interested in other people--hell, I'm VERY interested in Clive Owen, but not gonna date him. However, I think if you want to stop seeing this person in favor of the other person, it clearly isn't working.

I googled the Steve Martin quote and found this:

I broke up with my girlfriend. I don't know exactly when though. Maybe you recall Steve Martin's swingin' Czech character, when he discusses the break-up ritual in his country... "you say 'I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee,' and then you throw dog poop on her shoes." That's proactive. With my girlfriend, it seems we've broken up by default.

We haven't seen each other in over a month, neither of us has tried to contact the other by phone or e-mail for about three and change weeks now, and honestly I'm not bothered by it.

Well, that's sort of untrue. I am bothered by it in the sense that it hasn't been finalized, but by now calling her seems like a formality. "Hello, this is your courtesy break-up call." So, though I haven't officially been released from my going-steady contract, it does seem to be null and void. That's why I have secured the services of Frannie Rabinowitz, one of the top boyfriend agents in the country.

[link]

I guess I qualify for tooldom then, because if I like someone and am not given a specific reason to go away (mind you, "I'm not interested in going out anymore" is a perfectly acceptable reason), I'll keep asking him out.

How many times do you ask them out after they say no to the specific date?

but I wouldn't be having sex with more than one person at a time.

this

The drift away solution seems mean to me

really? in all cases? After a date or two I figure neither person has much invested.

Matt, I certainly did not mean to call you a tool. I am too free with my name calling. sorry.

How many times do you ask them out after they say no to the specific date?

I think it's currently three and counting, though spread out over a period of weeks.

And wouldn't you rather hear even a bullshit line than that you're boring or something?

The thing is, at least for me, in some cases it's the truth. I don't think I've ever managed to explain it properly in words (and considering the amount of times my mom asked me what I mean by that, I've tried to phrase this quite a lot).

"I'm not interested in going out anymore" is a perfectly acceptable reason

Then totally not a tool. You respect the other person's position, even if that's all the reason you ask for.

Just never hearing gets old.

Yup. This way, at least you know (or have the other side know and prevent the not-hearing from them).

Really, I think msbelle and Matt are talking about two different things. If a person tries again after one, "No thanks, I'm busy," to me that does not equal tool. If they keep calling and calling (and calling) then they can veer into tooldom. I had one of those in college.

If a person tries again after one, "No thanks, I'm busy," to me that does not equal tool.

me either.

I am perhaps not a great person to speak on the subject as I can't be bothered to care about meeting someone much less dating.

The last time I dated two people at a time, I ended up marrying the second guy.

I was dating Guy A. We were seeing each other exclusively. We were fairly involved. He got really distant. I knew he'd had a hard break up with a long term girlfriend, shortly before we met. We decided to not see each other exclusively any longer. I told him that if he was considering getting back with his ex, I well understood and that would be that. Oh no, he insisted.

I met dh at an office Christmas party. We worked for a huge place though, so he wasn't anyone I'd ever even seen at work, before. We went on a few dates and had a lot of fun. He asked me out for New Year's Eve.

My best friend was dating (and has long since married) first boy's friend. They were inviting me to a party that first boy was sure to be at. Best friend was really giving me a hard time about not going. She thought I should. Yada yada. My much older, male, Vulcan cousin came over during some of the angst (there may have been tears) and said, "Go out with the one who isn't making you cry." It was like someone turned on the lights.

It's considered extremely rude to not call and clear up "where we're standing", either way, after even the one (blind) date.

I feel that way too, for the most part (I think you can get away with not calling if you've only ever had one date). I don't know where I got my values, though, since the American Way seems to be to not call and slink away. If politely asked, then the American Way is to lie. I've had guys even volunteer (not in response to any pressure from me but to actually volunteer) "I'm busy til I get out of this conference but I want to do something with you after I return". But then they don't call and when you shoot thema note weeks later, they don't reply. Turns out they were too cowardly to just say "I'd rather not go on another date and I'm not interested in being friends either."