Okay, I am about to rip my hair out and punch my computer (poor computer -- it's really only the messenger). I cannot figure out how to get MSAccess to do medians, and I've got too many subdivisions to do it in Excel. There are articles aplenty about how to get Access to do this by writing a subroutine, but I don't ever go into the coding part of Access and I don't have time to start now. Friggafracking fuck.

Thank you.

I'm wearing pleated pants.

The winds are strong and hot.

I've just seen my third fire of the day.

I don't want to chair this meeting at 1.

If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Did you know that Anna Nicole's case will be heard by the Supreme Court?

[link]

The Supreme Court shed its staid image Tuesday, giving stripper-turned Playboy model Anna Nicole Smith a new chance at a piece of the fortune of her 90-year-old late husband.

The court said it would hear arguments early next year as part of Smith's effort to collect as much as $474 million from the estate of J. Howard Marshall II. The oil tycoon married her in 1994 when he was 89 and she was 26.

The case promises to be the sexiest of the nine-month term which begins next week.

"She's very excited. She will be attending arguments, there's no question about that," Smith's lawyer, Howard K. Stern, said in a telephone interview from Vermont where the television reality star is filming a movie.

At issue for the court is a relatively mundane technical issue: when may federal courts hear claims that are also involved state probate proceedings. But the facts are eye-catching.

...

The Supreme Court agreed to hear the case without awaiting the opinion of the new chief justice. The Senate is expected to vote on John Roberts' nomination later this week. The eight justices, including retiring Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, picked that case to hear out of about 1,900 appeals.

Oh. And now it seems to have decided that it's okay if I make something invisible, but I still have to leave room for it on the page or it refuses to do it, and just gives me 0 instead. Really. Out. Of. Patience.

Looks like I chose the wrong week to stop popping ludes.

Fire? Like, office in flames fire? I've had bad days, but not days that bad.

The Supreme Court agreed to hear the case without awaiting the opinion of the new chief justice.

Maybe they just really don't like him.

If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Is the new officemate going to resent me because my decorating scheme is "piles" while his appears to be nice pictures, organized bulletin board and white board and a bunch of those despair.com tchotchkes?

Smith's lawyer, Howard K. Stern

Howard Stern representing Anna Nicole Smith.

The mind boggles.

If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?

Emily, do you just need to find the median once? If so, create a new table that has all the fields of the existing table/query (or just the primary key), plus an additional autonumber field. Insert your records into the new table using a query that sorts your records by the field you want to find the median for. When you're done, note the larget autonumber value (on the last record), divide by 2 and find the resulting value autonumber field.

I've been wracking my brain trying to think of a bette non-code way of doing it, but haven't come up with anything.

eta: A much simpler way - just sort your table or query by the field you want the median. Note the number of records. Divide by 2, and type the resulting number in the record count box at the bottom left of query/table. Hit Enter.