I think my purpose-driven life does not involve drugs made with red phosphorus, you know? That is what caffeine is for, and caffeinei s a lot less likely to blow up somebody's house.

Also called "Papa John's".

But they also give you peppers and garlic butter. I forgive them.

I think the problem with a lot of tomato sauces is an over-zealous use of what I'm pretty sure is basil, rather than actual sugar.

"God wants you to take a Quaalude, man."

My dad makes yummy beer can chicken--it's very moist, and not unlike beer batter fried chicken, which I've had lots of places. I have made beer- and wine-poached chicken, and they've both turned out great.

As for lobsters, an old boss told me that she and her husband would celebrate their anniversary by buying two lobsters, bringing them home and racing them across the kitchen floor, then the winner is the first one cooked (with the loser quickly following him).

I never got to the meth part of "The Purpose Driven Life".

As a lover of the stuff, I don't think there's a point at which I would ever say, "Man, too much basil!"

So I'm still going to blame the sugar, which is probably added because of the sad blandness of the tomatoes in question. Proper tomatoes are sweet enough as it is.

Huh. Quaaludes have been Schedule 1 since 1984. What do people use for downers, then?

I never got to the meth part of "The Purpose Driven Life".

Diet. Coke. on. monitor. You have no idea HOW funny that is to me.

I think the problem with a lot of tomato sauces is an over-zealous use of what I'm pretty sure is basil, rather than actual sugar.

The problem with most commercial tomato sauces is that they use tomato paste instead of actual tomatoes as the primary ingredient to save on shipping costs. In Cook's Illustrated taste tests, you can almost always predict the placement of a brand of sauce by looking at where tomato paste shows up in the ingredients list. (Though the results are often reversed in the kids-only tests.)