You didn't have enough bacon then, Dana.

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What is the right dosage of bacon to combat hurricane hysteria?

I mean, when the idiots in the booth behind you at IHOP are talking about storm surge, I feel like the hurricane has already won.

Also, I can't get in touch with my husband.

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Your backyard is generally not a good place for a shallow grave.

I wonder if the woman in question was just batfuck crazy enough to not feel like she had anything to cover up, and to do a piss-poor job of finishing her exorcism duties.

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Bacon has made my stomach happy, but it has not soothed my soul.

For that, you'll need pie.

Also, I can't get in touch with my husband.

I'd say he needs a cell phone, but he'd actually need to turn it on and carry it with him for that to be useful.

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For that, you'll need pie.

Damnit! Should have had dessert.

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I always thought Book!Almanzo was hotter than TV!Almanzo.

I remember seeing a photo of the two of them (Almanzo and Laura) when they temporarily moved to Florida--Laura has a gun strapped to her hip and Almanzo is sporting a sexy 'stache.

Real life is so much better than TV.

But, as a sad follow up to that statement, A&E was rerunning the "Child Stars" show over the weekend in which Melissa Gilbert was part of a roundtable discussion group filled with former child stars (from Patty Duke to Kim Fields). Gilbert told about the letter she received in the early years of the show from a little girl who wrote that her father told her she should be "just like Laura," and she tried to comply, so he would stop hitting her.

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What is the right dosage of bacon to combat hurricane hysteria?

Shrift is right. This calls for pie.

I mean, when the idiots in the booth behind you at IHOP are talking about storm surge, I feel like the hurricane has already won.

Ugh. There ought to be a rule. They clearly didn't have enough bacon to lull them into complacency.

Also, I can't get in touch with my husband.

I'm sorry. You don't need this stress. When you do get in touch with him, you have full permission to beat him. Soundly.

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Bacon has made my stomach happy, but it has not soothed my soul.

Dana, I will attempt to soothe your soul by having a BLT for lunch. It might not work, but I'll try.

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When you do get in touch with him, you have full permission to beat him.

I'd totally call his office and leave a voicemail, except I just got tasked to do something urgent for a bigwig.

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It's like, hellooo, little monkey, are you only capable of dialing one phone number?

This is what happens when you're helpful. And now I had to spend twenty minutes on the phone with someone who was actually calling me for a reason, but that reason included about five minutes of content. I kept having to cut him off, like, what do you want to get out of this? Okay, so you don't actually know and I need to talk to this other guy to find out what he wants? Excellent!

I feel bad for the guy, though. This is the second time in a week he's called me and I've snapped at him. But I'm having a bad month!

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