In sum: I suspect that romantic love may be a subset of sex with a lot of higher cortical function dancing around madly trying to distract us from this unflattering truth.

I disagree, if what you're saying is that love is some kind of masked sexual attraction. And if not, please clarify.

But what I'm trying to do is sever romantic love from the physical attraction equation. It's a whole different vibe.

For some. But there is some choice even in my physical attraction stuff. Some of it is petty and stupid and some of it isn't. Like, maybe, kicked a cat or a dog = off the physical attraction. Or, has a great voice, henh, I like voices. Or my favorite, likes me first = I am attracted back.

But it's been since I was 16 since I was attracted to someone who was toxic for me. And that pretty much taught me that I should be careful and picky about choosing people to even think about getting groiny with.

(and admittedly, I'm a control freak who grew up in the Midwestern House of Suppression.)

But, how is that the show's fault?

I dunno. I think it would be interesting to read the pleadings and see what the language in the contract is.

Or my favorite, likes me first = I am attracted back.

It saves a lot of time and some angst, Cindy. That's what being 16 and attracted to Chris L. taught me.

I hear ya. I learned it well from David M., Kat.

it's been since I was 16 since I was attracted to someone who was toxic for me. And that pretty much taught me that I should be careful and picky about choosing people to even think about getting groiny with.

I've been attracted to a number of guys with whom a relationship would have been a mistake. I've acted upon some of those attractions, eschewed the relationship, and was perfectly fine with how things turned out. I'm very comfortable with separating the two, and have been told that's a bad thing ... but I'd've had so much less fun that way.

As for the dog-kicking thing .. there are personality things that can detract from lust -- but I don't equate lust and physical attraction, because I can't envision a realistic opportunity to go from watching a guy to sleeping with him without any personality inbetween. So...lust. Dog-kicking would nix that. Other relationship-killing behaviours mightn't, since that's not what I was signing them up for.

Or my favorite, likes me first = I am attracted back.

This is the catalyst for most of my relationships. I'm a wimp.

This is the catalyst for most of my relationships.

If there was one thing that'd make me grateful for being a chick today, that'd be it -- that it's almost okay to kick back and wait.

Except, I'm perenially single, so maybe it isn't.

I do believe that if a guy wants me, he'll make it clear, and we can go from there. Problem is, I can't read signals for shit, and I'm never sure what the next step is anyway.

I think I need to get a Coke and some Cheetos, and hang a sign on my office door that reads, "DO NOT DISTURB THE DATA BURNINATOR."