I ♥ the Bulwer-Lytton contest. 2005 Results

Heh:

The children of Hamelin were led away by a pied piper (it's common knowledge) to parts unknown; whither they went is now herein revealed, however the precise location is cloaked in accordance with International Fantasy Regulation IFR.02.3a governing site specifics as, for example, in any Harry Potter story the locations are indeed identified, but just you try and find them.

Also:

Patricia wrote out the phrase 'It was a dark and stormy night' exactly seventy-two times, which was the same number of times she stabbed her now quickly-rotting husband, and the same number of pages she ripped out of 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt to scatter around the room -- not because she was obsessive compulsive, or had any sentimental attachment to the number seventy-two, but because she'd always wanted to give those quacks at CSI a hard time.

I'm glad I'm alone in my office, so no one could hear me laughing:

Sphincter, the gladiator, girded his loins in preparation for today's games, glad to be part of the season opener since he hadn't been sure until yesterday that his contract would be renewed, given his slump during the Germans-versus-lions series but he knew that swatting Germans into the lion's pit was trickier than it looked and he told the officials that they should look at his other stats, not just Huns batted in.

That "give those quacks at CSI a hard time" is lovely.

not just Huns batted in

groans

You know, it's a good thing I really do have a brother, because I may need to call him for bail at some point, if my day keeps going the way it's going.

On edit: for assault, not for grand theft semi.

Yay! We have a new planet! In our solar system!

Maybe....

[link]

"The Minor Planet mailing list is buzzing with the discovery by an amateur astronomer of a 17th magnitude object 51 astronomical units from the Sun, tentatively designated 2003 EL61. For those not versed in astronomical lingo, this is an object several times brighter than Pluto even though it is 25% farther out from the Sun (the orbit vizualised by JPL). This means that barring a strangely reflective surface, this object is larger than Pluto, possibly Mars-sized! The debate whether Pluto is a planet is likely to get rekindled by this discovery."

I think they should name it... Bob.

eta: BBC article: [link]

for assault, not for grand theft semi

Assault by grand theft shit-semi sounds like a good plan.

Look, I already had to give up the brontosaurus. I'm not giving up Pluto, and that's final.