Did the monks make him from her, or did was she expelled from a hell dimension and trapped inside him, able only to bust loose at certain times, because of ::jazz hands jazz hands:: which allowed her to seek the key, make it bleed, and open the dimensions between worlds?

Worst Writing contest: [link]

"The rising sun crawled over the ridge and slithered across the hot barren terrain into every nook and cranny like grease on a Denny's grill in the morning rush, but only until eleven o'clock when they switch to the lunch menu," wrote Lester Guyse, a retired fraud investigator in Portland, Oregon.

eta: link to the actual site of the contest: [link]

You know, I always read those and wonder if the author is trying to be witty and failing, or if they're trying to write it straight and it's just really bad.

I ♥ the Bulwer-Lytton contest. 2005 Results

Heh:

The children of Hamelin were led away by a pied piper (it's common knowledge) to parts unknown; whither they went is now herein revealed, however the precise location is cloaked in accordance with International Fantasy Regulation IFR.02.3a governing site specifics as, for example, in any Harry Potter story the locations are indeed identified, but just you try and find them.

Also:

Patricia wrote out the phrase 'It was a dark and stormy night' exactly seventy-two times, which was the same number of times she stabbed her now quickly-rotting husband, and the same number of pages she ripped out of 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt to scatter around the room -- not because she was obsessive compulsive, or had any sentimental attachment to the number seventy-two, but because she'd always wanted to give those quacks at CSI a hard time.

I'm glad I'm alone in my office, so no one could hear me laughing:

Sphincter, the gladiator, girded his loins in preparation for today's games, glad to be part of the season opener since he hadn't been sure until yesterday that his contract would be renewed, given his slump during the Germans-versus-lions series but he knew that swatting Germans into the lion's pit was trickier than it looked and he told the officials that they should look at his other stats, not just Huns batted in.

That "give those quacks at CSI a hard time" is lovely.

not just Huns batted in

groans

You know, it's a good thing I really do have a brother, because I may need to call him for bail at some point, if my day keeps going the way it's going.

On edit: for assault, not for grand theft semi.