Here, make this big decision all by yourself

She made the decision to have sex all by herself.

And ultimately, your kid is now a mother, making a decision about her own child (whether or not to give birth to it), and your rights to know or do anything about her child are nil. You're just a potential grandparent, and as such, have no rights or say over the fetus.

If you are informed before, you can prevent her from exercising her right.

If you want your child to inform you, and wouldn't stop her, then you can talk to your kid about that, and hope it sticks, and she does tell you.

She has a right to decide whether or not she's going to become a mother, without your consent, approval, or knowledge. All you can do is arm her with enough knowledge and love before she hits the age where she can become pregnant, and continue to do so for as long as you both live.

Given that the stakes for parental notification can be deadly to the child, I think it should be handled the way it is--like serious emotional problems. A 14-year-old can go to a shrink without telling her family and tell him she's a cutter andhe can urge her to talk about it with her family, but he can't make her, because if he could make her, she might never seek therapy in the first place.

She made the decision to have sex all by herself.

Yes, and at least some of the decisions surrounding that event were lacking, or she wouldn't be faced with an unwanted pregnancy in the first place. There's a reason there are consent laws. You (as an adult) can't give consent to having sex, if you are drunk, because your judgment is impaired. At at least some ages prior to becoming an adult, you are also incapable of giving consent to sex.

But with parental notification (not parental consent) laws that do not require parental consent for an abortion, you cannot (legally) stop your child from having an abortion, any more than you can (legally) stop random adult woman from having an abortion.

I think I was using it as a reason why the girl raped by her stepfather isn't left in the dark.

Ah. Statutory rape and rape by stepfather are not the exact same thing.

I'm now looking up what else I'm supposed to be reporting.

Another teacher and I were just talking about all the things we do observe that we never report to the parent, in part because school life is, in adolescence, a place where students can try things on, practice decisions and it should be separate from what I am bound to tell parents.

And frankly, most kids won't talk to their parents, but they will talk to other adults,, even techers. And I like to hold that info in trust if I can for as much as I can. Though there are things I do tell parents.

Cindy, I don't think you can equate being 13 with being drunk or high on ludes and be serious.

Allyson, I am not equating them. I am saying there are laws that state that certain people are unable to give consent.

I am 32 years old and the thought of telling my mother that I was a) pregnant and b) had an abortion BEFORE it was done with makes me sure that I, like Allyson, would try a coat hanger. My mom is a great person, and fair to middling parent, and completely non-abusive.

She also flips out into a dizzying mental spin, vocalizing ALL my inner worries over and over and over. She doesn't know I have a new job and won't until my first day in the office, because her response would be "What if your old boss sabotages you? remember, you won't be safe until you are in the new office. The new office could be just as bad as the old one. Aren't you worried?!?"

And she has always been like this-- about college, about wearing a bra, about taking the SAT's. The thought of someone else telling her and having to go through that while pregnant/deciding to abort... AARgh! So not abusive doesn't mean helpful in the least.

ETA: Also not a parent, because I would be like the above.

Also, on a lighter note-- Do Gale Harold and Nathon Fillion resemble each other in a weird way? I am attracted to Gale Harold (or rather Brian Kinney), but not so much to Mal, but in my head they look so similar!

I would NEVER think to report statutory rape. I know I need to report abuse, but I don't know where statutory rape is.

Never at all? What would you do if the situation was more worrisome than usual -- e.g., if the child was especially young, physically or emotionally, or you weren't sure that the relationship was consensual? I understand it's not your job to monitor the sex lives of every student in the high school -- the blanket "NEVER" just surprises me.

Is it statutory rape if both people are under the age of consent? Whose fault is it then? Just curious.