I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis.

Anya ,'Dirty Girls'


Natter 37: Oddly Enough, We've Had This Conversation Before.  

Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.


Wolfram - Jul 20, 2005 12:45:43 pm PDT #1620 of 10002
Visilurking

And I don't think the year between 17 and 18 meant a bit of difference in my maturity level so the law would have just made an already tough situation that much harder for me.

We have to draw a line somewhere. Draw it at 17, or 16, or 18, it doesn't matter. What matters is that there be a certain age where the state treats you as an adult for this kind of decision, and conversely, an age where you are still a child and your parents need to be involved.


Jesse - Jul 20, 2005 1:18:43 pm PDT #1621 of 10002
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

The age of consent to have sex is drawn all the time, and usually not at 18, I don't think. There are generally specific difference-in-age rules, too, IIRC. Will google shortly.

Not the channel I was watching. But they did have some odd angled shots of his wife, with a strange expression on her face for the occasion. I'll bet that's why.....

Yeah, that's hilarious. At least the kid is little, unlike the little Giuliani at his swearing-in that time.

Also, that wanking-guy picture has been everywhere -- I do bet he's just holding, especially as he's looking right at the camera.


Jesse - Jul 20, 2005 1:20:38 pm PDT #1622 of 10002
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

OK. [link] So it is 18 in a bunch of states, but I think 16 is the more common. (Scroll down for the US states.)


Topic!Cindy - Jul 20, 2005 1:29:26 pm PDT #1623 of 10002
What is even happening?

I don't think you're wrong. But - you're an adult, making a rational argument. There are kids out there who will feel that anything is better than telling their parents. And that's not just young women whose parents are or are likely to be abusive.
But that's largely my point. That feeling is strong enough in a kid, even when, for some kids (like all my friends who aborted) it is baseless. I don't need laws and medical personnel contributing to my teen's natural inclination to be secretive, even when it is not in her best interest to be.
Like others have said, I don't have kids, so I hesitate to speak as if I know all the ins and outs. But I believe that I would want my daughter to tell me, I would hope that I had raised my daughter to feel that she could, and at the end of the day, I would want her to have access to legitimate, responsible medical providers if she felt she couldn't, whether that feeling was based in reality or not.
That I understand. And yeah, given my druthers of a kid going back alley to avoid telling me (even if she's delusional for thinking she can't), and going behind my back but above board, I would pick behind my back but above board also, except for the fact that women sometimes die from post-op complications resulting from legal, medical abortions. And how likely is a kid who is too scared to tell her folks she is pregnant--one who has then had her inclination toward secrecy reinforced by laws "protecting" her from her non-abusive parents, and docs who've aided her in her secrecy, as if there were something to fear when there is not*, going to get up the guts to tell mother she is bleeding more than she thinks is normal, or that there might be a reason for her fever, besides a virus?

*from non-abusive parents


Connie Neil - Jul 20, 2005 1:40:50 pm PDT #1624 of 10002
brillig

That age of consent thing made me curious. 16 is age of consent for boys adn girls together, but gay sex--according to that website--is illegal. I'm not sure if that's been repealed, but if not, I know a lot of criminals.

Anyway, I became curious about age of marriage. According to one website, a boy and girl can get married with parental consent at age 14. In 1999 a bill was proposed to raise that to 16, but was defeated. ONe of the arguments against the bill was that it would "prevent a young man from doing the right thing by his girlfriend if necessary." Even though they'd have been comitting a crime by having sex.

Oh, and if the 14-year-old has been married before, they don't need parental consent.

Edit: the above applies to Utah.

2nd edit: [link] the website listing marriage age


brenda m - Jul 20, 2005 1:42:46 pm PDT #1625 of 10002
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there

Oh, and if the 14-year-old has been married before, they don't need parental consent.

Okay, that kind of cracks me up.

ETA: Many states did (I think some still do?) have different age of consent for same-sex relationships.


Cashmere - Jul 20, 2005 1:53:26 pm PDT #1626 of 10002
Now tagless for your comfort.

I wonder where that put my 15 year old grandmother and her 25 year old groom. Wait, that was in Kentucky. Nevermind.


Allyson - Jul 20, 2005 1:59:38 pm PDT #1627 of 10002
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica

Cindy, if you're talking about being informed, legally, but not consent, is it that you would want to be notified after, or before?


Cashmere - Jul 20, 2005 2:05:20 pm PDT #1628 of 10002
Now tagless for your comfort.

We have to draw a line somewhere. Draw it at 17, or 16, or 18, it doesn't matter.

Then I think it should fall along the same lines as the age of consent.

Bless, you, Cindy. As a parent, I know exactly where you're coming from. However, in my own experience, there wasn't a SINGLE thing my parents could have done to make my situation better. Their knowing would have not only complicated it, it would have been MUCH, MUCH worse. I was dealing with a guy who told me, when I told him, "Uh...I really don't have time in my life for a girlfriend right now." Working 12 hour shifts at a factory to try to save enough money for school and worrying about leaving for college in less than a month. The thought of adding to that a huge blow up with my parents (and the possibility that they wouldn't have helped me financially with school), I chose the least amount of disruption I could.

As much as I hope my relationship with my own children is different, I'll choose their freedom to make that decision independently from me--with or without my knowledge, if need be.


ChiKat - Jul 20, 2005 2:31:20 pm PDT #1629 of 10002
That man was going to shank me. Over an omelette. Two eggs and a slice of government cheese. Is that what my life is worth?

I just wanna hold Cindy and Wolfram tightly. If all parents were like y'all, and all the other Buffista parents, this whole conversation would not even need to happen.