Still, there's that feeling I occasionally get when we go visit another friend's new house (and more often than not, new baby) - the feeling of being left behind/not growing up/whatever

Oh yes, this. Over and over again. We've always rented, and while it didn't bother me years ago -- young, had kids early, no money -- it's a huge desire of mine now. Right now we're broke due a really tough two years (and thus living with my father-in-law for a while), but when we leave here, hopefully with a decent chunk in savings, what I want is to buy a house. I get how hard maintaining it can be, because I've seen it with my parents and my in-laws (and my friends, actually), but I want the freedom to paint and knock down walls if I want to, and store things, and have a yard.

A home, really. Somewhere where I won't be afraid the landlord will want to sell the house, or the apartment building won't go condo. I long for roots, for a place to dig in and stay until the kids are grown and beyond, a place they can come back to with *their* kids. It's just getting there that's the trouble, especially since we won't be able to afford a decent-sized house for a while. Unless we move back to Wyoming or something.

Gronklies.

Around 5:00 a.m., I woke DH up and told him it was his turn. He sat with Annabel another hour, at which point she finally fell asleep.

I don't really have any deep philosophical feelings on comfort vs. let cry out. It actually all ties back to buy vs. rent and space questions--she normally sleeps in our room, since that's just the reality of two-bedroom house where the second bedroom is half full of computers, which has led to me developing a sense of security on having us all together in one place at night. So when I put her in the playpen in the spare room at 3:00 and tried to go back to bed, I couldn't sleep for imagining horrible things--what if this is the time she learns to climb out of the playpen and she hurts herself tumbling out or gets into something unchildproofed, etc.? And then when she started screaming, there was no way I was going to sleep through that, so I got out of bed.

We need me to get a job soon so we won't be paycheck to paycheck and can buy this house and expand or find someplace else with the space we need. But I can't do anything more about that right now than I already have.

I tried to call VCOB this morning and talked to his daughter, who's home for the summer between finishing college and starting grad school. She's going to have him call back when he wakes up--he spent the night at the hospital, which is a useful reminder that I'm not the most sleep-deprived person in the family right now. I don't know why Rachel couldn't tell me what's going on herself, but if I'm not sure what to do in these situations as a 34-year-old, she's allowed to be awkward with it at 22. My family is, DH assures me, weirdly uncommunicative at times. We're trying to figure out what's up with ExArmy!Brother, the one who lives in Modesto. We tried calling them last night and they weren't home, leading us to wonder if they've already flown out, or were spending the night in SF to catch an early flight. Which would be awkward, if they're there much sooner than us, and annoying that no one told us. I think my family realizes our circumstances--that DH and I are younger, and, not coincidentally, poorer than the others, and therefore we can really only fly out once and stay so long. But on some level I still feel bad that we're not there already.

Missed a.m. church--I slept till a little after 9:00--but we're going to try for the 5:00, which I rarely go to because it's so much smaller and more contemplative than the morning services, but I think I need something today.

{{sj}} sorry for the aches. I hope you got some sleep.

Thanks. I tried sleep again shortly after 4, and slept through the alarm until Dave came to kiss me good-bye. I always feel bad when I am not up to have a cup of tea with him before he leaves for work.

So sorry Annabel kept you awake Susan. I hope you can grab a nap today.

juliana, I pretty much feel the same left behind feeling when I have a friend who buys a house -- esp. here in the Bay Area where I wonder how they possibly managed it. My husband and I are both working, we carry some student loans but that's about it for debt, we have a good sized nest egg and the Bank of Mom would probably double it to make sizable down payment and yet we can't afford anything we'd want without some creative financing that I'm not willing to engage in. (It's the New Englander in me.) I keep telling him that we should wait about 5 years, when the balloon payments from the interest-only mortages that 60% of the people around here now take out come due and foreclosures start.

{{Susan}}

Sparky, want to go to Lush this afternoon after the movie? I was going to go before I met you for lunch, but since I am still here in Belmont and haven't eaten breakfast yet, I sort of think that may not happen.

I bought my first place, a small condo, when I was 23. I lived there for five years, and then Dave and I sold it when we built our house, which we moved into over two years ago. Now I'm in the very strange position of moving back into a rental situation, and I have very mixed feelings about it. Where I lived in CT, home ownership was possible on a teacher's salary. Out here in LA, that just is never going to happen. I know this is the right thing for me right now, but it's hard sometimes. I feel a bit like I'm moving backwards in what I'm "supposed" to be doing as an adult. I think part of it is a middle class New England thing: the goal is owning your own home and having your own freedom and autonomy. I don't know. It's just odd being both a homeowner and a renter simultaneously, I guess. I have to live with the hassles of landlords and such, yet I still have to make sure there is money for the mortgage and home maintainance, even though I don't get to live there. I moved from a big house of my own, which I don't know if I'll ever live in again, to a tiny back half of a garage. I don't know if I'll ever be able to afford a house of my own again.

Hmmm. And apparently now my diamond shoes are too tight. Nebbermind.

I'm possibly going to the movies tonight with this guy. It depends, but he's going to call me back. Now I have to freak out about what to wear.

Go askye! I hope you have a good time. You'll look foamy regardless of what you wear.

Housing costs are insane just about everywhere. Even here in Madison, the median house is $150k. Doesn't sound that bad compared to the coasts, but when $150k gets you maybe a dumpy little 2 bedroom with 800 sq. ft. it says a lot about what the average house is versus the median. Most of the newer houses are fairly big and you're lucky if you can find anything for under $350k. The developers seem to think everyone is this city is a doctor or lawyer. Honestly, how anyone can afford a house if they're single, I don't know. Two incomes, yeah, I'm guessing it's doable. Which is why I'm starting out with a dumpy little condo and hoping to move up to a small, yet not so dumpy, house. Why they can't build slightly smaller houses that cost a reasonable amount, I don't know. There is a huge market for them, lots of renters would love to get out of renting, but they can't afford it. Build what people can afford, dammit!

We weren't, I should be clear, living paycheck to paycheck when we bought the house. We were paying undermarket rent on a two bedroom, both working full time, and prospects looked dandy.

Stupid 2001.

We're just now crawling out of that particular hole.

The advice I've seen with stand alone house ownership is to budget for one big thing a year (major expenses like the roof, painting the outside, updating X, Y, or Z), sort of like having your own condo fund thinger.

What we fell into, and what would have been fine if either we had more money or Paul was into working on houses or I was allowed to play with power tools*, is the "cosmetic" fixer trap.

If I had it to do over, which I wouldn't, because frustrations with the house fed into how I wound up here and besides, I wouldn't change anything that might mess with the whole having had Lillian thing, but if I *did*, I'd probably more seriously consider a zero lotline townhouse or a slightly smaller, but totally fixed up, home.

We still have to decide where we want to be when we leave this place. The house was originally a five year plan, but it's looking more and more like it's going to be a ten year one. Go team equity, I guess. I just hope all the undone things are done by then.

With a condo or co-op, these particular issues aren't as big.

Sigh. Anyone have any idea where to find replacement boards for the huge, thick siding that was popular in the 60s and 70s? This is my current frustration. (I hate my POs. I hate my POs. 99% of what's wrong with the house went wrong under their watch, and in the name of updating.)