{{sj}} sorry for the aches. I hope you got some sleep.

Thanks. I tried sleep again shortly after 4, and slept through the alarm until Dave came to kiss me good-bye. I always feel bad when I am not up to have a cup of tea with him before he leaves for work.

So sorry Annabel kept you awake Susan. I hope you can grab a nap today.

juliana, I pretty much feel the same left behind feeling when I have a friend who buys a house -- esp. here in the Bay Area where I wonder how they possibly managed it. My husband and I are both working, we carry some student loans but that's about it for debt, we have a good sized nest egg and the Bank of Mom would probably double it to make sizable down payment and yet we can't afford anything we'd want without some creative financing that I'm not willing to engage in. (It's the New Englander in me.) I keep telling him that we should wait about 5 years, when the balloon payments from the interest-only mortages that 60% of the people around here now take out come due and foreclosures start.

{{Susan}}

Sparky, want to go to Lush this afternoon after the movie? I was going to go before I met you for lunch, but since I am still here in Belmont and haven't eaten breakfast yet, I sort of think that may not happen.

I bought my first place, a small condo, when I was 23. I lived there for five years, and then Dave and I sold it when we built our house, which we moved into over two years ago. Now I'm in the very strange position of moving back into a rental situation, and I have very mixed feelings about it. Where I lived in CT, home ownership was possible on a teacher's salary. Out here in LA, that just is never going to happen. I know this is the right thing for me right now, but it's hard sometimes. I feel a bit like I'm moving backwards in what I'm "supposed" to be doing as an adult. I think part of it is a middle class New England thing: the goal is owning your own home and having your own freedom and autonomy. I don't know. It's just odd being both a homeowner and a renter simultaneously, I guess. I have to live with the hassles of landlords and such, yet I still have to make sure there is money for the mortgage and home maintainance, even though I don't get to live there. I moved from a big house of my own, which I don't know if I'll ever live in again, to a tiny back half of a garage. I don't know if I'll ever be able to afford a house of my own again.

Hmmm. And apparently now my diamond shoes are too tight. Nebbermind.

I'm possibly going to the movies tonight with this guy. It depends, but he's going to call me back. Now I have to freak out about what to wear.

Go askye! I hope you have a good time. You'll look foamy regardless of what you wear.

Housing costs are insane just about everywhere. Even here in Madison, the median house is $150k. Doesn't sound that bad compared to the coasts, but when $150k gets you maybe a dumpy little 2 bedroom with 800 sq. ft. it says a lot about what the average house is versus the median. Most of the newer houses are fairly big and you're lucky if you can find anything for under $350k. The developers seem to think everyone is this city is a doctor or lawyer. Honestly, how anyone can afford a house if they're single, I don't know. Two incomes, yeah, I'm guessing it's doable. Which is why I'm starting out with a dumpy little condo and hoping to move up to a small, yet not so dumpy, house. Why they can't build slightly smaller houses that cost a reasonable amount, I don't know. There is a huge market for them, lots of renters would love to get out of renting, but they can't afford it. Build what people can afford, dammit!

We weren't, I should be clear, living paycheck to paycheck when we bought the house. We were paying undermarket rent on a two bedroom, both working full time, and prospects looked dandy.

Stupid 2001.

We're just now crawling out of that particular hole.

The advice I've seen with stand alone house ownership is to budget for one big thing a year (major expenses like the roof, painting the outside, updating X, Y, or Z), sort of like having your own condo fund thinger.

What we fell into, and what would have been fine if either we had more money or Paul was into working on houses or I was allowed to play with power tools*, is the "cosmetic" fixer trap.

If I had it to do over, which I wouldn't, because frustrations with the house fed into how I wound up here and besides, I wouldn't change anything that might mess with the whole having had Lillian thing, but if I *did*, I'd probably more seriously consider a zero lotline townhouse or a slightly smaller, but totally fixed up, home.

We still have to decide where we want to be when we leave this place. The house was originally a five year plan, but it's looking more and more like it's going to be a ten year one. Go team equity, I guess. I just hope all the undone things are done by then.

With a condo or co-op, these particular issues aren't as big.

Sigh. Anyone have any idea where to find replacement boards for the huge, thick siding that was popular in the 60s and 70s? This is my current frustration. (I hate my POs. I hate my POs. 99% of what's wrong with the house went wrong under their watch, and in the name of updating.)

Talked to VCOB--he said there's no real change from yesterday. I asked him if he knew ExArmy!Brother's plans, and he said they were the same as ours, to wait and come as soon as we know when the funeral would be. I mentioned that I wished I could be there now, and he said they knew that, but that we could be having this same conversation a week from today, and there's only so much you can put on hold--if nothing changes between now and tomorrow, he still has to go pick up a U-Haul and get Rachel moved in to her new place down at Auburn.

So. I feel better about the way we're handling the situation, at least. We all have appropriate things to wear now. I've let all the people I'm regularly in contact with know that I may disappear on them temporarily at any point. DH has put in a formal request for the maximum bereavement leave allowed, and has sorted out which airlines offer the best combinations of good fares and direct routes. MIL is paying for our tickets, and is planning to drive out from Tulsa when the time comes and offer her services to help out with Annabel and my grand-niece, or anything else she can do.

Susan, it sounds like you're doing everything you can do. It is hard waiting. Much strength and peace~ma to you and your family. Your MiL is a very kind woman, you must feel very blessed.