Well, if I lined up an interview, I would go get the cut, either with DH money or on a credit card, just so I could look professional enough. But it's a pride thing. I hate being so fucking dependent. And being a one-income family means that DH is putting such gargantuan chunks of his paychecks into paying the bills, and feeling the same frustration I do over not being able to do anything for himself, that I hate to ask for just another $30, please. Did I mention I hate being dependent?

Wow. I have never once thought of myself as being dependent on my husband or about our money being his money. I think I might have to stop reading this part.

P-C, that's pretty awesome stuff.

Can they use only one sea anemone to get the goods and then synthesize the rest from non-animal sources? Because that would make me really happy.

Well, I don't think I'd hate it if this had been the plan, and if DH's salary was a bit bigger and we'd decided the family division of labor would involve him making the money and me raising Annabel and working on my novels as a long-term career goal. But we knew all along that we couldn't get by on just his salary, so money has been painfully tight ever since Annabel was born. So I feel like such a failure over the freelance business, still, and I'm feeling like a fuck-up because no one has called me for an interview yet, so I can't even undo the consequences of my failure.

July/August, as I recall, is the worst time to look for work around these parts. Everyone's off doing stuff.

Did I mention I hate being dependent?

Gah, me too. I'm still working, but nowhere near enough hours, and I hate not having a nice bit of padding in my personal account. The bedrest and complications knocked our original plan for a loop, so I wasn't able to save up huge wads of dough while pregnant.

I don't think I'd hate it if this had been the plan, and if DH's salary was a bit bigger and we'd decided the family division of labor would involve him making the money and me raising Annabel and working on my novels

But it's still not *his* money, is it? Any more than Annabel is *your* daughter? You're both doing what you need to, right now, and even if money's tight, everyone needs a haircut once in a while.

Chalk up today's feelings to the blues -- the pain and the heat and the inactivity. Plei is right about this time of year, especially when it comes to publishing. The whole romance world is at RWA, so you're not going to get much news one way or another right now. Consider it a little vacation.

But it's still not *his* money, is it?

Well, the plan was that DH's salary would cover the bills and his personal expenses, while my freelancing would cover my personal expenses and, as it grew, expand to pay down debt and build savings. Only it didn't work. So in a sense I *am* taking his money, since I wa supposed to be earning enough money myself to cover these things.

Can they use only one sea anemone to get the goods and then synthesize the rest from non-animal sources? Because that would make me really happy.

Heh. I don't recall how the harvesting process works. I know they modify the purified peptide anyway, but I don't know whether they've been able to synthesize it.

Well, the plan was that DH's salary would cover the bills and his personal expenses, while my freelancing would cover my personal expenses and, as it grew, expand to pay down debt and build savings.

Oh. But still, freelancing is always a risk, which you both knew, right? I guess I'm saying even if *you* feel bad about it, he probably doesn't begrudge a haircut.

Despite the money fretting and the guilt about dependency and all, I'm still gonna vote for sucking it up and asking; it's shallow as all hell, but there is indeed something comforting and ego-stoking about the transformation from stupid hair to cool hair. And, as therapy or self-medications go, it's still very very cheap.

Also, Jen and Cindy, insent.